Monday Marriage Minder 12-8-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

December 8, 2008

Love Is... Part 14

(Love) always hopes…1 Corinthians 13:7c

Last week we took a brief look at how love always trusts. This week we'll look at what love does when it is finding it difficult to trust. Yes, I write as though love exists in itself simply because it does in God. Attributes of love, when displayed by mankind, are godly characteristics that flow out of the connection between the Creator- God and his creation - mankind.

NEVER Give Up

I continue to be amazed at the hopelessness expressed by the many couples that I encounter in ministry. Sadly, all-too-many couples have given up in circumstances that are not unlike those in nearly every marriage, labeling the distorted view of their marriage as "hopeless".

But, what about the times when the trust has, yet again been betrayed? Or the times when the change promised has not become a reality? What is there left to do? Hope! Hope is that aspect of love that, even when the opposite of the desired direction or outcome is observed in a person, the hopeful mate will still cling to the faithful belief that their loved one will make the change that is needed.

Perhaps the change that is needed is within us. Do we hold to a hope that we will, in God's power and our effort, make the changes within ourselves that will help our relationship to thrive?

Hope In Practical Terms

How might our love exhibit hope? Let me suggest to you four things that each of us can do to practice hope.

1. Be Humble - Use the other aspects of love we've previously looked at to guard your mind, attittude, speech and actions.

2. Be Optimistic - Expect and watch for progress in the problem areas of your and/or your spouse's life. When you see progress - Celebrate it!

3. Be Prayerful - Always be in prayer. God hears the prayers of his people and is "close to the broken hearted" (Ps 34:18).

4. Be an Encourager - Encourage your spouse regularly, even when he or she isn't acting in the way you want them to.

On one occasion, I witnessed hope to the extreme. A woman stood up in a church service and asked for prayer for her soon-to-be ex-husband. Contrary to her desire the divorce papers had been signed and the man of her life was gone. She asked us to pray for his salvation because she knew God's priority was his soul and, compared to that, the rest was, as she put it, "not important". While I believe that every marriage is important, I have never forgotten that woman's request or the hope that she had even after her pain, her dissappointment and her loss.

You may have heard the saying that says. "When you get to the end of your rope, make a knot and hang on!" Guess what holds that proverbial knot together? Hope!

Question of the Week: What are the areas in your marriage relationship that you need to have hope for?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Love & Respect Ministries, Binding Hearts Marriage & Family Ministries and Grace Fellowship

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MMM 12-1-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

December 1, 2008

Love Is... Part 13

A Prank Call

(Love) always trusts…1 Corinthians 13:7b

Arriving home from work one day, I was met in the kitchen by my loving wife who was trying her best to keep an "I'm mad at you" expression on her face and a similar tone in her voice.

"Who's ___________?", she asked.

"Who?", I asked in response to her question.

"I have a voicemail on my cell phone for you from someone named ____________. She said that she had met you recently and that you wrote your number on a napkin", Robin explained, maintaining her feigned disgust. "She said that she really wants to see you again", Robin continued.

At that point we both busted out laughing. Upon investigation we discovered that a "hang-up" occurred at 3:00AM - bingo, this person now had my name from the greeting recorded on my wife's cell. The call in question came two minutes after the hang-up. Apparently, this woman didn't think her prank call through very well. First, unless a husband is exremely dull or brazen, why would he give another woman his wife's cell number as a means to contact him. Second, (this one was even more obvious to Robin) the woman, referred to as ____________ because neither Robin or I can remember what she said her name was, indicated that the call was for "David". Immediately, Robin knew it was a prank because I would never introduce myself as David. I always go by Dave; however, Robin's cell greeting (it's since been changed) gave the names, "David and Robin Kidd". Even though Robin knew that she had no reason for concern, she couldn't resist having a little fun at my expense when I got home.

As funny as that prank was at the time, I began to think about that happening to a couple who may not have been so secure. This part of our look at love depicts that aspect of love that says, in essence, I will trust another person until I see irrefutable proof that I shouldn't. It is that part of the marital relationship that guards how we regard our spouse - believing that their intent is to faithfully support and build us up. It is, indeed, trusting and defending our spouse even through the accusation of others. I've grown to be quite trusting of my wife. If someone were to bring an accusation against her or if I were to hear something that would raise a question in my mind, I would first choose to trust. Why? Because that's what real love does.

Question of the Week: In what ways can you demonstrate your love for your spouse by trusting them?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Love & Respect Ministries, Binding Hearts Marriage & Family Ministries and Grace Fellowship

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A Valentines To Remember February 13-14, 2009

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Canton, Ohio

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Info: revdkidd@gmail.com

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Monday Marriage Minder 10-20-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

October 20, 2008

Love Is... Part Ten (10)

1 Corinthians 13:6a NIV

Love does not delight in evil...

"I knew he would mess up." I knew she didn't really change." "I knew I was better." If these statements sound harsh, it is because they are. Somewhere, deep down within ourselves, we humans seem to enjoy it when someone messes up - gives in to the influence of sin. Oh sure, we won't admit it, but that doesn't negate the truth. That's why Paul, under the Holy Spirit's influence penned the above verse.

Let's look at this from within a struggling marriage. Both husband and wife participate and play puppet to the influence of sin and the evil intent of the enemy. However, there comes a time when both spouses become too weary to keep making even the most meager effort. One spouse does something, or again, fails to act in a loving manner and the other spouse hitches their wagon to that incident, saying, "See, I'm better."

This characteristic of love drops a bomb on this bitter cycle that holds many marriages captive. Our enemy, satan, knows that if he can work evil into the marriage bond and get both spouses to delight in it's influence on the other, then he has driven a huge wedge into that marriage and is poised to take it down. Additionally, he also knows that he will not only get one or both marital partners , but he stands a great chance of pulling much of the family down with that one wedge in between a husband and wife. It happens nearly everyday in every marriage. Those thoughts that pop into our mind when our spouse does or says something we dislike are prime examples.

When our spouse fails and gives in to the influence of sin and evil, does it sadden us? Does it drive us to our knees in prayer - asking God to protect and strengthen our spouse? Or, does such circumstance find us gloating with self pride, saying, "I'm better."

What would love do?

For Marriages & Families,
Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 9-29-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

September 29, 2008

Love Is... Part Nine (9)

"it (Love) keeps no record of wrongs," 1 Corinthians 13:5d NIV

Oh, to be like Jesus! As I was preparing to write this installment of the MMM, my mind dug up an old childhood memory of a former pastor singing an old gospel song that has Jesus asking, "What sins are you talking about? I don't remember them anymore." Wouldn't it be great to be able to forget every wrong that had been committed against us? Greater still is the fact that Jesus chooses to forget our sins and wrongs! Imagine if we could do that. Fact is, we're supposed to be gaining that ability as we grow in Christ and as we're being transformed into His image.

Can you imagine what this aspect of love could do in a marriage? There would be no more wives saying, "I know you left the toilet seat up," (even before she walks into the bathroom). There also would be no more husbands saying, "Even if I didn't, you will blame it on me anyway." Silly as these examples are, they both depict a respective and kept record of past wrongs.

How many disagreements, arguments, fights and outright brawls (it happens in some marriages) could be prevented if we could stop keeping record of wrongs. As a pastoral counselor, contrary to many secular methodologies, I strive to minister "in the now", meaning I often divert the counselee's focus away from the past behaviors of their spouse. This serves two distinct purposes. First, what is in the past cannot be changed and therefore our energies are better spent on forming new possibilities and patterns of behavior. Second, it establishes a model for the couple to utilize at home.

On one occasion I counseled a couple who were mired in a bog of "record keeping". I had them write down all of the past behaviors that they most disliked about their spouse on a piece of paper. When they had completed their "list", I had them place their list in an envelope and seal it. After writing their names on their envelope I had them exchange envelopes and instructed them to grab their coats and get some matches. We walked out in the snow and burned the unopened envelopes. I told them the past is gone and I asked them if they were ready to move forward. Sounds crazy but it is effective, as long as they don't start digging up ashes.

How about throwing away the scorecards, the tally sheets and the journal of wrongs that we've suffered? What could it do for our marriage, our family and our church?

Question of The Week: Got a list that needs burned?

Assignment of The Week: Go see the movie FIREPROOF with your spouse. www.fireproofthemovie.com

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Love & Respect Ministries, Binding Hearts Marriage & Family Ministries and Grace Fellowship

invite you to...

A Valentines To Remember February 13-14, 2009

at

Grace Fellowship

Canton, Ohio

Details Coming Soon

Info: revdkidd@gmail.com

FIREPROOF - In Theaters Today

Just a note to encourage all marriage ministry leaders to take their couples to see this movie. Invite friends, neighbors, co-workers. I believe that God will use this movie to change marriages and lives.

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder - September 22, 2008

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

September 22, 2008

Love Is... Part Eight (8)

"it (Love) is not easily angered," 1 Corinthians 13:5c NIV

After a week of computer problems, followed by a several days without power, we can finally resume our look at the characteristics of love. Speaking of the lack of electric power, while what was left of "Ike" blew through last Sunday evening, we were making our way home from church - dodging branches, power lines and debris. We were approximately half-way home when our daughter announced that she needed a restroom - urgently. The road we travel is in farm country - no gas stations, rest stops or stores. Finally, in the necessity of the moment, I pulled onto a side road. My wife opened her door, and as she did, "Ike" tried to claim the door as his. A split second and $1250.00 in damages later, my wife climbed out of the van and opened the sliding door to let our crying daughter out.

It would have been easy for us to lose our temper and become angry. But, being under the influence of God's love, to us and through us, created that "check" in our hearts that prompted us to step back, emotionally, and reason through the situation. Was our dented fender and bent door unfortunate? Yes. But that would not have given us the right to be angry at one another. When we're angry we tend to say hurtful things. We use words that tear down and destroy. Sometimes, saying the wrong thing at the worst time can yield irreparable damages. It is common for something that was said years ago in anger to be the root of fresh poison in a relationship today.

As I write this, our van is in the Body-Shop. It is being repaired. A few parts, paint, and varnish and the van will be fine. However, the damage from the words that could have been spoken in the heat of anger would not have been nearly as easy to fix.

Ephesians 4:26 contains a warning. It is a warning against the damaging effects of anger, because, when prolonged, anger can easily lead to sin. Imagine what our marriages, families, churches, communities and world would look like if this characteristic of love was lived out in just our own lives.

Question of The Week: How has un-checked anger caused damage to your marriage and family relationships?


For Marriages & Families,
Dave

Love & Respect Ministries, Binding Hearts Marriage & Family Ministries and Grace Fellowship

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A Valentines To Remember


February 13-14, 2009

at

Grace Fellowship

Canton, Ohio

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Info: revdkidd@gmail.com

MMM - Love Is... Part Seven (7)

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

September 1, 2008

Love Is... Part Seven (7)

It (Love) is not self seeking, 1 Corinthians 13:5b NIV

Labor Day - Wow, was this holiday named right! I could smell the bar-b-ques. I could imagine the steaks, chicken, burgers and brats, sizzling on the hot iron. My imagination was all that I had. Between me and the bar-b-ques stood a 7 foot high privacy fence that encloses my sister's back yard. While nearly every residence in the community played host to family and friends, Robin and I were on our third day of installing the hardwood floor and trim in my sister's basement.

I have to be honest and admit that I was thinking of many other things that I would rather be doing - and that I was thinking of them often. Arriving at home tonight, I opened my Bible to remind myself of the aspect of love that we're looking at this week. Wham! Serves me right!

Robin and my sister really wanted to get as much of this project as possible, done this weekend. I don't think that I verbally complained (too much) but I had the thoughts, so I'm guilty. Guilty of not showing true love by happily thinking of the wants and needs of others before my own. Forgive me Lord!

Question of The Week: Examine your mind and your heart. How have you been self-seeking and not shown true love to your spouse and family?

For Marriages & Families,
Dave

FIREPROOF - MAKE IT A CHURCH-WIDE DATE NIGHT

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

August 11, 2008

Love Is... Part Five (5)

It (Love) is not proud, 1 Corinthians 13:4e NIV

He stood in between the cars in the hot garage. His fists were still clenched and the ache in his jaw reminded him to relax the tension in his face. "How long have I been pacing in here?" "Why am I so angry?" Good questions! What this little tale did not include was that this little tirade followed a heated discussion the man had with his spouse. What he chose to be angry about was the fact that his wife was right, he was wrong and he didn't like it.

The original word used for proud in this verse literally means to inflate. The Message paraphrase reads, "Doesn't have a swelled head," Have you ever inflated a balloon without tying it and simply let it go? What happened? In the human experience it probably looks something like the man who was fuming in his garage. His wife deflated his "balloon" and off he went.

Too often, we find ourselves wanting to be right at all costs. For some, pride simply will not allow them to "be wrong". The above scripture says that pride is not a characteristic of love. If we claim to love our spouse, how then can we demand to be right, even when we are. I've been guilty of correcting Robin if she says something wrong. Is that me just wanting to prove that I'm right, better, smarter or wiser? Am I? NO!!! That's pride and it works it's way into every person and relationship.

Question of the Week: How has your pride hurt your marriage? Pray about it, ask God to search your heart and reveal any pride that is hurting your relationship with your spouse.

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 8-4-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

August 4,2008

Love Is... Part Four (4)

It (Love) does not boast, 1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV

An Example From The Boy's Group Home

For over a year, I have been a resident counselor and staff at a Christian Group Home for at-risk boys. For boys, boasting is as commonplace as gravy on mashed potatoes (Sorry, I'm not very good at analogies, or, whatever those things are called). At times, it can be almost comical to listen as the residents strive to position themselves ahead of one another. If this one's mother drives a Camaro, then another one's father drives a Corvette. I'll listen for over 15 minutes as a boy tells me of his heroic exploits, all-the-while knowing that very little of it is true. Often, this "one-upmanship" leads to an altercation between several boys.

In Marriage

"One-upmanship", sadly, finds it's way into many marriages. Sometimes, in our human weakness, we tend to "keep track" of what we do and then brag to our spouse or others about it. "I do this, I do that and I do more than you and I even do it better." I've heard it all-to often in counseling sessions. My colleagues in pastoral counseling ministry echo my experience. I've, ashamedly, caught myself doing it.

It happens for a reason, a reason that has surfaced in nearly every aspect of these verses in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13. The reason, again, is I . The Apostle Paul positioned these verses after a discourse on the diverse gifts of the Holy Spirit and the unity of the church. It was meant to focus one's attention away from I and place it on WE.

Rather than wanting to be recognized as the achievers, the ultra-gifted or the knowledgeable, Paul shows the early church audience that each has a part and in essence, the church is a team. Just as the church is a team, so is a marriage. We don't need to verbally or by our actions, draw attention to ourselves. Instead of boasting about what we do in our marriage and family, what would happen if we began focusing on all that our spouse does for the same cause. In doing so, I becomes WE .

Question of The Week: In what ways has "One-upmanship" and boasting hindered your marriage? Talk with your spouse about it.

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 7-28-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

July 28,2008

Love Is... Part Three (3)

It (Love) does not envy,... 1 Corinthians 13:4c

By now, in this, the third part of this series, we are beginning to see that what the world views as love seems to, and may, in-fact, be at odds with the Biblical characteristics of love. It is amazing how much this difference is effecting marriages and families today. It can creep into our hearts and spirits before we even realize it. Yes, it can even sneak into the life of a Christian if allowed.

When our neighbors bring home that new car or when they wave at us in yet another new outfit, how does that effect us? Are wives ever tempted to question why their husbands are not providing them with those things? On the other hand, How about the time when the delivery truck, delivers that (gulp) new zero-turn mower that we know will cut our neighbors mowing time in half. Do we men question ourselves and perhaps even, our wives?

Envy. The wrecking ball of marriages. I like how The Message paraphrase puts the above verse. "Love doesn't want what it doesn't have." In a "want driven" society, the race to accumulate things is driving many marriages and families into ruin. Bankruptcy, foreclosures and divorce are at a high.

Envy does not stop with the material, but invades the emotional, mental and even the spiritual aspects of our lives. A woman may want that caring and considerate husband that lives four doors down, the one who is always opening doors for his wife and playing baseball with their kids. A man may want the woman at the office who is always ready with a compliment because of his intelligence and abilities. A couple may desire the giftings of that couple at their church, the ones that always are leading and in charge of various ministries. On and on it goes.

I think of the Apostle Paul's words in scripture where he mentions how he had "learned to be content." I believe it is the void that is experienced by a life away from Christ or distanced from Christ that leads to discontentment. Often, right on the heels of discontent, is envy.

Question of the Week: How might you protect your marriage from the damaging effects of envy?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 7-14-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

July 14, 2008

Love Is.... Part Two

Kind - Who are you trying to please?

1 Corinthians 13:4b

Who doesn't know what the word "kind" means? That's the question that I've been pondering these last few days. Surely, everyone who reads this e-letter knows the meaning of the word kind. Well, I thought I did. I came up with the word "nice" as my definition. Wow, did I undershoot that target!

kind adj. Of a friendly, and good natured disposition; coming from a good natured readiness to please others. (Websters, 156)

Robin and I had the privilege of attending a screening of Sherwood Pictures (FLYWHEEL and Facing The Giants) new movie "FIREPROOF" which will be released in late September. The movie, dealing with the divorce epidemic, demonstrated kindness like I had never seen it.

Did you catch the last part of the definition? How often have we heard the adage, "There is no I in Team". My lead Pastor told me this week that someone once replied to him, "Yes, but TEAM does have a M and a E!" As we continue in this series, we will continue to discover that the enemy of our marriages (us) is not only Satan, but ourselves (me).

Question of the Week: If we strive to please our spouse, how will they react and how will our marriage be different?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 7-7-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

July 7, 2008

Love is... Part One

Patient - Where's your focus?

Love is patient...
1 Corinthians 13:4a NIV

Have you ever been in a church service when someone stated that they were, either, praying for patience or in need of more patience? Often, in those cases, you can hear the response of the congregation by way of gasps or whispering. Why? Because we know that patience is most often the result or product of trials. So, to acquire more patience...

Perhaps this is why we are often impatient in our lives. We don't like being uncomfortable. We want out of a situation, or desperately want to be in a new one. The corresponding trial could be circumstantial, personal or relational.

Beyond impatience, what is the opposite of patience? In the marriage relationship, the answer is often selfishness. I want what I want, when I want it! Most often, in scripture, the word patient or patience is associated with our relationships with others. Scripture uses phrases such as "bearing with one another," (Eph 4:2) and it admonishes us to be "patient with everyone," (1 Thess. 5:14).

In all honesty, I'm one to be impatient at times. It happens when I'm seeking to be the one in focus, rather than focusing on God's will for our marriage and life. Subsequently, when I'm seeking to be the focus, my eyes and thoughts are turned from Robin's needs and I appear to be, and often am, impatient.

I wonder why the Apostle Paul listed this attribute of love first? Maybe it is because being patient is a hard behavior to master. This week, let's ask ourselves, where is our focus? Is it all on ourselves? Are we being impatient and pushing our spouse to be someone or something in order to get what we want? Or, are we really "bearing with one another" in the marriage relationship?

This Week's Question: If we become more patient, how will that affect our love for our spouse?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 6-30-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

June 30, 2008

A Look At Love


1 Cor 13:4-8a NIV
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I've been trying to think of a subject around which I could write a series. I've had several ideas, most of which I will need some time to develop them into anything coherent and practical. The one topic that has stood out among the rest, is love. Love is, or, at least should be, at the heart, or foundation, of our relationships. True love doesn't exclude God, because we read in 1 John 4:7, that God is love and everyone that loves is born of God and knows God. If we want to capture the heart of the marriage relationship, the family relationship and our relationship with God, we have but to examine love - true love.

With that in mind, over the next few weeks, we're going to be examining the verses in 1 Corinthians 13, one attribute of love at a time.

I believe we'll learn much together.

For Marriages & Families,
Dave

I Love These Vows

Here We Go!

This blog is created for resourcing, encouraging and networking all those involved in marriage and family ministries across our fellowship. This is brand new, so we will be crawling before we walk and walking before we run.

If you are involved in marriage ministry and want to be a team member for this blog, please contact Dave Kidd at 4marriages@embarqmail.com or leave a comment.