"Bring the charges? I thought that we, as Christian couples, were supposed to overlook our spouse's faults?"
Sure, we are to be striving to do that, but the reality for most couples necessitates the need for some ground rules when we tread the all-to-familiar waters of failing to turn the other cheek.
Have you ever came home only to walk in the door and the first words you hear are in the tone of an executioner? Forget the arraignment, the hearing, the trial and sentencing, why not just put a verbal bullet through our spouse's head and let them lay where they fell?
Sadly, this is all too common in marriages today. We fail to, gently and respectfully, bring the charges to our spouses attention, before we, within a nano-second, execute judgement.
For women, before a word is spoken, they immediately sense a lack of security and protection. There will be no hug, no kiss, no welcoming of the wife back into the arms of her husband. Then the wife feels rejected and abandoned. Yeah, that will motivate her for sure!
For men, words will be spoken, with their wife's eyes first, then with their tone. A tone that is akin to words such as "Bad Dog! Bad!" He immediately feels disrespected and silently vows that he "will never allow her to treat him like that again." At that point, she is no longer being heard, he's, internally, too furious.
Simply put, both husband and wife are trying to express a need - be it help with the dishes or some encouragement. However, harsh tones and emotional abandonment will NEVER allow those needs to be met.
So, if you can't overlook the offenses of your spouse, at least be reasonable enough to bring the charges in a gentle, loving and respectful way. How?
Use sentences that begin with "I need..." "I know that you didn't mean to..., but I..." Use quiet tones without sarcasm.
Practice what you are going to say in front of a mirror. Look at your facial expressions and listen to the tone of your voice. These things may be communicating something to your spouse that you never intended.
Since most of us cannot completely live ideally, this side of heaven, we can, at least, learn to live with mutual respect and love.
