FIREPROOF - MAKE IT A CHURCH-WIDE DATE NIGHT

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

August 11, 2008

Love Is... Part Five (5)

It (Love) is not proud, 1 Corinthians 13:4e NIV

He stood in between the cars in the hot garage. His fists were still clenched and the ache in his jaw reminded him to relax the tension in his face. "How long have I been pacing in here?" "Why am I so angry?" Good questions! What this little tale did not include was that this little tirade followed a heated discussion the man had with his spouse. What he chose to be angry about was the fact that his wife was right, he was wrong and he didn't like it.

The original word used for proud in this verse literally means to inflate. The Message paraphrase reads, "Doesn't have a swelled head," Have you ever inflated a balloon without tying it and simply let it go? What happened? In the human experience it probably looks something like the man who was fuming in his garage. His wife deflated his "balloon" and off he went.

Too often, we find ourselves wanting to be right at all costs. For some, pride simply will not allow them to "be wrong". The above scripture says that pride is not a characteristic of love. If we claim to love our spouse, how then can we demand to be right, even when we are. I've been guilty of correcting Robin if she says something wrong. Is that me just wanting to prove that I'm right, better, smarter or wiser? Am I? NO!!! That's pride and it works it's way into every person and relationship.

Question of the Week: How has your pride hurt your marriage? Pray about it, ask God to search your heart and reveal any pride that is hurting your relationship with your spouse.

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 8-4-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

August 4,2008

Love Is... Part Four (4)

It (Love) does not boast, 1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV

An Example From The Boy's Group Home

For over a year, I have been a resident counselor and staff at a Christian Group Home for at-risk boys. For boys, boasting is as commonplace as gravy on mashed potatoes (Sorry, I'm not very good at analogies, or, whatever those things are called). At times, it can be almost comical to listen as the residents strive to position themselves ahead of one another. If this one's mother drives a Camaro, then another one's father drives a Corvette. I'll listen for over 15 minutes as a boy tells me of his heroic exploits, all-the-while knowing that very little of it is true. Often, this "one-upmanship" leads to an altercation between several boys.

In Marriage

"One-upmanship", sadly, finds it's way into many marriages. Sometimes, in our human weakness, we tend to "keep track" of what we do and then brag to our spouse or others about it. "I do this, I do that and I do more than you and I even do it better." I've heard it all-to often in counseling sessions. My colleagues in pastoral counseling ministry echo my experience. I've, ashamedly, caught myself doing it.

It happens for a reason, a reason that has surfaced in nearly every aspect of these verses in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13. The reason, again, is I . The Apostle Paul positioned these verses after a discourse on the diverse gifts of the Holy Spirit and the unity of the church. It was meant to focus one's attention away from I and place it on WE.

Rather than wanting to be recognized as the achievers, the ultra-gifted or the knowledgeable, Paul shows the early church audience that each has a part and in essence, the church is a team. Just as the church is a team, so is a marriage. We don't need to verbally or by our actions, draw attention to ourselves. Instead of boasting about what we do in our marriage and family, what would happen if we began focusing on all that our spouse does for the same cause. In doing so, I becomes WE .

Question of The Week: In what ways has "One-upmanship" and boasting hindered your marriage? Talk with your spouse about it.

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 7-28-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

July 28,2008

Love Is... Part Three (3)

It (Love) does not envy,... 1 Corinthians 13:4c

By now, in this, the third part of this series, we are beginning to see that what the world views as love seems to, and may, in-fact, be at odds with the Biblical characteristics of love. It is amazing how much this difference is effecting marriages and families today. It can creep into our hearts and spirits before we even realize it. Yes, it can even sneak into the life of a Christian if allowed.

When our neighbors bring home that new car or when they wave at us in yet another new outfit, how does that effect us? Are wives ever tempted to question why their husbands are not providing them with those things? On the other hand, How about the time when the delivery truck, delivers that (gulp) new zero-turn mower that we know will cut our neighbors mowing time in half. Do we men question ourselves and perhaps even, our wives?

Envy. The wrecking ball of marriages. I like how The Message paraphrase puts the above verse. "Love doesn't want what it doesn't have." In a "want driven" society, the race to accumulate things is driving many marriages and families into ruin. Bankruptcy, foreclosures and divorce are at a high.

Envy does not stop with the material, but invades the emotional, mental and even the spiritual aspects of our lives. A woman may want that caring and considerate husband that lives four doors down, the one who is always opening doors for his wife and playing baseball with their kids. A man may want the woman at the office who is always ready with a compliment because of his intelligence and abilities. A couple may desire the giftings of that couple at their church, the ones that always are leading and in charge of various ministries. On and on it goes.

I think of the Apostle Paul's words in scripture where he mentions how he had "learned to be content." I believe it is the void that is experienced by a life away from Christ or distanced from Christ that leads to discontentment. Often, right on the heels of discontent, is envy.

Question of the Week: How might you protect your marriage from the damaging effects of envy?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 7-14-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

July 14, 2008

Love Is.... Part Two

Kind - Who are you trying to please?

1 Corinthians 13:4b

Who doesn't know what the word "kind" means? That's the question that I've been pondering these last few days. Surely, everyone who reads this e-letter knows the meaning of the word kind. Well, I thought I did. I came up with the word "nice" as my definition. Wow, did I undershoot that target!

kind adj. Of a friendly, and good natured disposition; coming from a good natured readiness to please others. (Websters, 156)

Robin and I had the privilege of attending a screening of Sherwood Pictures (FLYWHEEL and Facing The Giants) new movie "FIREPROOF" which will be released in late September. The movie, dealing with the divorce epidemic, demonstrated kindness like I had never seen it.

Did you catch the last part of the definition? How often have we heard the adage, "There is no I in Team". My lead Pastor told me this week that someone once replied to him, "Yes, but TEAM does have a M and a E!" As we continue in this series, we will continue to discover that the enemy of our marriages (us) is not only Satan, but ourselves (me).

Question of the Week: If we strive to please our spouse, how will they react and how will our marriage be different?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 7-7-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

July 7, 2008

Love is... Part One

Patient - Where's your focus?

Love is patient...
1 Corinthians 13:4a NIV

Have you ever been in a church service when someone stated that they were, either, praying for patience or in need of more patience? Often, in those cases, you can hear the response of the congregation by way of gasps or whispering. Why? Because we know that patience is most often the result or product of trials. So, to acquire more patience...

Perhaps this is why we are often impatient in our lives. We don't like being uncomfortable. We want out of a situation, or desperately want to be in a new one. The corresponding trial could be circumstantial, personal or relational.

Beyond impatience, what is the opposite of patience? In the marriage relationship, the answer is often selfishness. I want what I want, when I want it! Most often, in scripture, the word patient or patience is associated with our relationships with others. Scripture uses phrases such as "bearing with one another," (Eph 4:2) and it admonishes us to be "patient with everyone," (1 Thess. 5:14).

In all honesty, I'm one to be impatient at times. It happens when I'm seeking to be the one in focus, rather than focusing on God's will for our marriage and life. Subsequently, when I'm seeking to be the focus, my eyes and thoughts are turned from Robin's needs and I appear to be, and often am, impatient.

I wonder why the Apostle Paul listed this attribute of love first? Maybe it is because being patient is a hard behavior to master. This week, let's ask ourselves, where is our focus? Is it all on ourselves? Are we being impatient and pushing our spouse to be someone or something in order to get what we want? Or, are we really "bearing with one another" in the marriage relationship?

This Week's Question: If we become more patient, how will that affect our love for our spouse?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 6-30-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

June 30, 2008

A Look At Love


1 Cor 13:4-8a NIV
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I've been trying to think of a subject around which I could write a series. I've had several ideas, most of which I will need some time to develop them into anything coherent and practical. The one topic that has stood out among the rest, is love. Love is, or, at least should be, at the heart, or foundation, of our relationships. True love doesn't exclude God, because we read in 1 John 4:7, that God is love and everyone that loves is born of God and knows God. If we want to capture the heart of the marriage relationship, the family relationship and our relationship with God, we have but to examine love - true love.

With that in mind, over the next few weeks, we're going to be examining the verses in 1 Corinthians 13, one attribute of love at a time.

I believe we'll learn much together.

For Marriages & Families,
Dave