This weekend, the subject of buttons came ups several times; so, I had to post something about marriage as it relates to buttons.
Yesterday, Robin and I had the privilege of having lunch with another couple. Our time was spent with some good food and great conversation. The conversation was quite humorous as we shared our experiences in marriage, family and ministry.
Near the end of our time together, in response to something that was said, I made one of my usual statements about how no person can make us angry. We simply choose to become angry in certain situations.
The conversation continued with the wives mentioning about how we, as husbands and wives, can walk on or push each other's buttons - buttons which can fuel a negative and sometimes explosive reaction.
We all have buttons - those vulnerable areas, which we try to protect so much that we hide them away and seldom address the need to work through them.
While we are all fairly predictable, our buttons can change regularly - even daily. We know how frustrated a wife can become when something she says or does causes little or no reaction in her husband one day and causes a massive explosion the next.
Or. The confusion a husband feels when he can say the exact same words, in the exact same tone and in a very similar situation and have two very different outcomes in regard to how his wife will react.
The typical end result of these scenarios? NOTHING. We stop doing anything for FEAR of our spouses reaction. The marriage then becomes isolated and driven by fear and avoidance.
Here is how it, practically, plays out:
•We don't talk about those issues -Communication Isolation.
•We don't put ourselves in situations, as a couple or with other couples, where those issues may come up - Relational Isolation.
•We bury the issue and never address it within ourselves - Heart Isolation.
•We cannot fully abandon ourselves to enjoy the physical intimacy of our love - Physical Isolation.
•Our ability to be intimate with each other and with God is hindered - Spiritual Isolation.
When we fail to control our reactions or fail to respond in a well thought-out manner we strip away the stabilizing factors of safety and security in our marriage.
As a Christian husband or wife, we need to provide a place of safety and security for our spouse in which we can share together. A place where we can speak the truth in love, and share the most intimate of our thoughts and what we are feeling.
Safety and security speaks of protection. Do we truly love our spouse?
"It (Love) always protects" 1 Corinthians 13:7a.
Loving our spouse is not shown by avoiding our spouses buttons. It is shown by working together through those issues that each of us have. When we do that, we protect each other and we disconnect the power that those buttons release.
For Marriages and Families,
Dave & Robin
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