Love and Respect Reflects: I HAVE DECIDED

Love and Respect Reflects: I HAVE DECIDED

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

January 12, 2009

What Are Your Words Saying?

You have probably heard the saying, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." I am going to suggest that it is both what you say and how you say it. Lately, we have been teaching our kids about their responsibility in speech. Over the last two years I have been holding to a verbal lifestyle that says, "If it comes out of my mouth, I am responsible for:

• What I said.
• What I meant.
• All the non verbals (body language).
• How what I said was received and interpreted."

In short, if I say something and someone interprets it differently than how I meant it, it is MY response-ability to:

1. Apologize for any miscommunication.
2. Offer clarification.
3. Learn from my communicative mistake.

I am sure we have all seen many relationships destroyed because someone would not take responsibility for what they said. Perhaps this is why in Collosians 4:66, Paul writes, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone". NIV

This is especially true for the target audience of the above verse - the believers. Just a few words that are misinterpreted by the hearer can have devastating effects. Imagine placing the guidelines mentioned above in the marriage relationship. Might it remove some of the teeth from our bad moods, disagreements and our arguments? Simply taking responsibility for words, directed at our spouse, will cause us to think before we speak and then, speak those words in love.

Question of the Week: What if you could visually see your word's effect on your spouse? What would you change?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 12-8-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

December 8, 2008

Love Is... Part 14

(Love) always hopes…1 Corinthians 13:7c

Last week we took a brief look at how love always trusts. This week we'll look at what love does when it is finding it difficult to trust. Yes, I write as though love exists in itself simply because it does in God. Attributes of love, when displayed by mankind, are godly characteristics that flow out of the connection between the Creator- God and his creation - mankind.

NEVER Give Up

I continue to be amazed at the hopelessness expressed by the many couples that I encounter in ministry. Sadly, all-too-many couples have given up in circumstances that are not unlike those in nearly every marriage, labeling the distorted view of their marriage as "hopeless".

But, what about the times when the trust has, yet again been betrayed? Or the times when the change promised has not become a reality? What is there left to do? Hope! Hope is that aspect of love that, even when the opposite of the desired direction or outcome is observed in a person, the hopeful mate will still cling to the faithful belief that their loved one will make the change that is needed.

Perhaps the change that is needed is within us. Do we hold to a hope that we will, in God's power and our effort, make the changes within ourselves that will help our relationship to thrive?

Hope In Practical Terms

How might our love exhibit hope? Let me suggest to you four things that each of us can do to practice hope.

1. Be Humble - Use the other aspects of love we've previously looked at to guard your mind, attittude, speech and actions.

2. Be Optimistic - Expect and watch for progress in the problem areas of your and/or your spouse's life. When you see progress - Celebrate it!

3. Be Prayerful - Always be in prayer. God hears the prayers of his people and is "close to the broken hearted" (Ps 34:18).

4. Be an Encourager - Encourage your spouse regularly, even when he or she isn't acting in the way you want them to.

On one occasion, I witnessed hope to the extreme. A woman stood up in a church service and asked for prayer for her soon-to-be ex-husband. Contrary to her desire the divorce papers had been signed and the man of her life was gone. She asked us to pray for his salvation because she knew God's priority was his soul and, compared to that, the rest was, as she put it, "not important". While I believe that every marriage is important, I have never forgotten that woman's request or the hope that she had even after her pain, her dissappointment and her loss.

You may have heard the saying that says. "When you get to the end of your rope, make a knot and hang on!" Guess what holds that proverbial knot together? Hope!

Question of the Week: What are the areas in your marriage relationship that you need to have hope for?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Love & Respect Ministries, Binding Hearts Marriage & Family Ministries and Grace Fellowship

invite you to...

A Valentines To Remember February 13-14, 2009

at

Grace Fellowship

Canton, Ohio

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Info: revdkidd@gmail.com

MMM 12-1-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

December 1, 2008

Love Is... Part 13

A Prank Call

(Love) always trusts…1 Corinthians 13:7b

Arriving home from work one day, I was met in the kitchen by my loving wife who was trying her best to keep an "I'm mad at you" expression on her face and a similar tone in her voice.

"Who's ___________?", she asked.

"Who?", I asked in response to her question.

"I have a voicemail on my cell phone for you from someone named ____________. She said that she had met you recently and that you wrote your number on a napkin", Robin explained, maintaining her feigned disgust. "She said that she really wants to see you again", Robin continued.

At that point we both busted out laughing. Upon investigation we discovered that a "hang-up" occurred at 3:00AM - bingo, this person now had my name from the greeting recorded on my wife's cell. The call in question came two minutes after the hang-up. Apparently, this woman didn't think her prank call through very well. First, unless a husband is exremely dull or brazen, why would he give another woman his wife's cell number as a means to contact him. Second, (this one was even more obvious to Robin) the woman, referred to as ____________ because neither Robin or I can remember what she said her name was, indicated that the call was for "David". Immediately, Robin knew it was a prank because I would never introduce myself as David. I always go by Dave; however, Robin's cell greeting (it's since been changed) gave the names, "David and Robin Kidd". Even though Robin knew that she had no reason for concern, she couldn't resist having a little fun at my expense when I got home.

As funny as that prank was at the time, I began to think about that happening to a couple who may not have been so secure. This part of our look at love depicts that aspect of love that says, in essence, I will trust another person until I see irrefutable proof that I shouldn't. It is that part of the marital relationship that guards how we regard our spouse - believing that their intent is to faithfully support and build us up. It is, indeed, trusting and defending our spouse even through the accusation of others. I've grown to be quite trusting of my wife. If someone were to bring an accusation against her or if I were to hear something that would raise a question in my mind, I would first choose to trust. Why? Because that's what real love does.

Question of the Week: In what ways can you demonstrate your love for your spouse by trusting them?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Love & Respect Ministries, Binding Hearts Marriage & Family Ministries and Grace Fellowship

invite you to...

A Valentines To Remember February 13-14, 2009

at

Grace Fellowship

Canton, Ohio

Details Coming Soon

Info: revdkidd@gmail.com

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Monday Marriage Minder 10-20-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

October 20, 2008

Love Is... Part Ten (10)

1 Corinthians 13:6a NIV

Love does not delight in evil...

"I knew he would mess up." I knew she didn't really change." "I knew I was better." If these statements sound harsh, it is because they are. Somewhere, deep down within ourselves, we humans seem to enjoy it when someone messes up - gives in to the influence of sin. Oh sure, we won't admit it, but that doesn't negate the truth. That's why Paul, under the Holy Spirit's influence penned the above verse.

Let's look at this from within a struggling marriage. Both husband and wife participate and play puppet to the influence of sin and the evil intent of the enemy. However, there comes a time when both spouses become too weary to keep making even the most meager effort. One spouse does something, or again, fails to act in a loving manner and the other spouse hitches their wagon to that incident, saying, "See, I'm better."

This characteristic of love drops a bomb on this bitter cycle that holds many marriages captive. Our enemy, satan, knows that if he can work evil into the marriage bond and get both spouses to delight in it's influence on the other, then he has driven a huge wedge into that marriage and is poised to take it down. Additionally, he also knows that he will not only get one or both marital partners , but he stands a great chance of pulling much of the family down with that one wedge in between a husband and wife. It happens nearly everyday in every marriage. Those thoughts that pop into our mind when our spouse does or says something we dislike are prime examples.

When our spouse fails and gives in to the influence of sin and evil, does it sadden us? Does it drive us to our knees in prayer - asking God to protect and strengthen our spouse? Or, does such circumstance find us gloating with self pride, saying, "I'm better."

What would love do?

For Marriages & Families,
Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 9-29-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

September 29, 2008

Love Is... Part Nine (9)

"it (Love) keeps no record of wrongs," 1 Corinthians 13:5d NIV

Oh, to be like Jesus! As I was preparing to write this installment of the MMM, my mind dug up an old childhood memory of a former pastor singing an old gospel song that has Jesus asking, "What sins are you talking about? I don't remember them anymore." Wouldn't it be great to be able to forget every wrong that had been committed against us? Greater still is the fact that Jesus chooses to forget our sins and wrongs! Imagine if we could do that. Fact is, we're supposed to be gaining that ability as we grow in Christ and as we're being transformed into His image.

Can you imagine what this aspect of love could do in a marriage? There would be no more wives saying, "I know you left the toilet seat up," (even before she walks into the bathroom). There also would be no more husbands saying, "Even if I didn't, you will blame it on me anyway." Silly as these examples are, they both depict a respective and kept record of past wrongs.

How many disagreements, arguments, fights and outright brawls (it happens in some marriages) could be prevented if we could stop keeping record of wrongs. As a pastoral counselor, contrary to many secular methodologies, I strive to minister "in the now", meaning I often divert the counselee's focus away from the past behaviors of their spouse. This serves two distinct purposes. First, what is in the past cannot be changed and therefore our energies are better spent on forming new possibilities and patterns of behavior. Second, it establishes a model for the couple to utilize at home.

On one occasion I counseled a couple who were mired in a bog of "record keeping". I had them write down all of the past behaviors that they most disliked about their spouse on a piece of paper. When they had completed their "list", I had them place their list in an envelope and seal it. After writing their names on their envelope I had them exchange envelopes and instructed them to grab their coats and get some matches. We walked out in the snow and burned the unopened envelopes. I told them the past is gone and I asked them if they were ready to move forward. Sounds crazy but it is effective, as long as they don't start digging up ashes.

How about throwing away the scorecards, the tally sheets and the journal of wrongs that we've suffered? What could it do for our marriage, our family and our church?

Question of The Week: Got a list that needs burned?

Assignment of The Week: Go see the movie FIREPROOF with your spouse. www.fireproofthemovie.com

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Love & Respect Ministries, Binding Hearts Marriage & Family Ministries and Grace Fellowship

invite you to...

A Valentines To Remember February 13-14, 2009

at

Grace Fellowship

Canton, Ohio

Details Coming Soon

Info: revdkidd@gmail.com

FIREPROOF - In Theaters Today

Just a note to encourage all marriage ministry leaders to take their couples to see this movie. Invite friends, neighbors, co-workers. I believe that God will use this movie to change marriages and lives.

Dave