The Carving Knife - MMM

The Carving Knife

Recently, we posed a question on our Facebook page asking what you would like to see addressed in the Monday Marriage Minder (MMM). 

We received a response that initially intrigued me, then, I must admit, intimidated me (Dave) a bit. After thinking and praying about the suggested topic, I started to get excited about the idea of writing this week's MMM.

The suggested topic has to do with a common problem for many couples who have busy schedules, whose daily routines with work, school, commutes and their children's activities leave them with just minutes a day together. How does a couple carve out time together within their busy lives?

Rather than delve into the complexities of time management, let me just start by stating what is probably obvious to most of you, but it bears revisiting.

In marriage and family life, each of us must learn to separate the urgent from the important. "But, which is which," you ask? Well, that depends on your mindset and your priorities.

Marriage and parenting are often seen as the antagonistic pull that leaves one wanting and the other fattened. The Bible has a lot to say about marriage and it also has a much to say about parenting. However, we don't see the connection commanded or inferred in parenting that we do in marriage. It would seem, from a biblical standpoint, that the marital relationship is the urgent quite often.

I remember my Mother apologizing to me years after my parents separated. She was apologizing because, when I was a child, she would often leave my Father, neglecting his needs, to tend to mine. She felt that her actions played a huge part in the failure of their marriage and, subsequently, my relational formation.

Now, before you go and tell someone that I said to leave a sick baby crying in his or her crib, realize what I am saying.

  

I'm saying that sometimes it's OK to put off cuddle time with your child for a few minutes to be with your spouse. It's OK to lock the bedroom door to keep older children or even hungry and cooking-challenged teens at bay for a few minutes to connect with your spouse. Even if it's simply a conversation, that is time well spent.

TAG TEAM - TAG OUT

But, what about when you and your spouse only seem to pass in the hall or at the house door for a few minutes each day? Make the most of those minutes. Plan those minutes to a tee. Be ridiculously selfish with those minutes as a couple.

The kids were there for the spouse who is tagging out all day and the kids will be there for the spouse tagging in all night. Run to the bedroom a couple of times a week. Connect, touch, laugh and most importantly and most intimately, pray together. 

Make the most of your days off. Walk hand in hand whenever possible. Sit in church with your hands entwined. Soak in The Word together. Discuss what you heard and how you can apply it on the way home.

  

Write notes to each other. Ask a question in the note, wait with anticipation for your spouse's answer and share the answers in those few moments alone each day. All of these things will enhance the connection you have with your spouse.

  

The Bible says...

For everything there is a season, 

a time for every activity under heaven.. 

5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. 

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

Eccl 3:1, 5

 

Notice that verse one says that there IS a time for EVERY activity under heaven. You and your spouse just need to make the most of it. Use a time carving knife together and cut away the unnecessary, cut out some of the important for a time which will leave you with some quality time everyday. You'll be amazed at the time you can have together as a couple when you plan for it.

For Marriages & Families,

Dave & Robin