Passive - Destructive Marriages

Today, I was contemplating the danger of being passive in our marriage. Just as we need to be active in the daily pursuit of our spouse (yes, you still need to pursue him/her after you are married - plus it is so much more fun when you catch him/her) we need to actively engage in spiritual warfare as a couple. It takes action. The enemy of our marriages, through life and his schemes, tries his dead-level best to bring us down.



We can't afford to just waltz through life, thinking that everything will be fine with no action on our part. It's time to pull our heads out of the sand, spit it out of our mouths and declare that we will play an active part offensively - in what God wants to do in our marriages and defensively - resisting what our enemy is always trying to bring against us.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

Ephesians 6:10-18 NIV

This passage follows one of the most powerful passages of the Bible - dealing with relationships. The word "Finally" means - In light of all this, or, perhaps, because this is so important and the enemy will target you because of this. - These show our need for action.


Read that passage again with your sweetheart today - then be doers of the Word you read! Don't be passive!

"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!"
Galatians 5:22-23 NLT

Robin and I returned yesterday evening from spending the weekend with one of the most loving, giving and hospitable families that we have ever met.

We were in town to minister during a marriage conference and to bring the Word on Sunday. I believe that we were probably more blessed by the Lord through this family and the people of the church, than they were through us.

This family welcomed us into their home, included us in their weekend plans and made us feel like they genuinely wanted us there.

When you stay in someones home, for even a short amount of time, you can't help but get to know them. We met three of their five children, a nephew, his wife and their little boy. Robin and I were blown away at how polite, friendly and open each family member was.

It did not take me long to figure out what it was about this family that made them so close. It was the fruit of goodness. The husband and wife, together, guarded their home, only letting that which is good to enter. From entertainment choices to activities, these were only acceptable if they were healthy and honored God.

This family also extends goodness to others, laboring tirelessly for the good of individuals, other families and their community.

This couple's children, all grown, are visibly reaping the benefits of the goodness with which they were raised. Subsequently, they are now displaying this fruit in their own lives.

As parents, what are we allowing into our homes and into our lives and the lives of our children? Do we stand guard, assessing those things and allowing only the healthy activities and the goodness of the Holy Spirit to pass?

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy —

think about such things."
Phil 4:8-9 NIV

What would our marriages, families and churches look like if we vowed to only receive -look at, listen to and allow in our hearts and minds - that which is pleasing to God? And, if we vowed to demonstrate only goodness to everyone around us? What would that do for the "Loop" that would encircle back to us as a result of our remaining true to such vows?

Goodness is one "Fruit- Loop" that we need to receive and display more in our lives.

For Marriages,

Dave & Robin

Monday Marriage Minder - 3-7-2011 - "Fruit Loops" - Part 6 - "Kindness"

"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!"
Galatians 5:22-23 NLT

Have you ever gone to the cupboard for a box of cereal, only to find a near empty inner bag containing a small portion of fractured pieces that is often more dust than cereal? Frustrating and disappointing, is it not?

Sadly, as inconsequential as a wee bit of cereal is, we often experience, to a much greater degree, the feelings of disappointment, loss and disconnection when the amount of kindness present within the confines of our marital box is in short supply.

When such is the case, it feels as though someone has jumped up and down on our box - crushing the life-giving substance to the point that it is beyond use or worth.

This lack of kindness is ruining marriages at an alarming rate today. When this Fruit of the Spirit is not being manifested in our marriage, there is a bone and relationship-chilling coldness that creeps into our hearts and lives.

I remember watching a music video in which the main character, a man, was sitting at a bar, peeling the label off of a bottle while singing these words...

"Well, it's too hot to fish,
too hot for golf
and too cold at home."

We have all been there. An icy stare, a cold and thoughtless remark. Well, remarks are seldom thoughtless, I mean, we do have to think it before we say it. Failing to show kindness is often just as intentional as showing kindness. It is, most often, pre-meditated. We plan to show kindness or a lack of kindness to our spouse in an attempt to bless, love and cherish, or, conversely, to manipulate, seek revenge and hurt.

Kindness is an intentional thing. It is not something that just happens. Throughout scripture, God showed his kindness to his people. He chose to do it.

What is amazing to me is the fact that showing kindness attracts. It attracts people, it positively affects relationships and it builds bridges of growth and peace.

On the other hand, a lack of kindness, will tear down and destroy. Even the strongest of persons will eventually wear and break in an atmosphere where kindness is in want.

Think of it this way. What attracted you to Christ? Was it because that he is the all-powerful Son of God? Or was it his kindness - the kindness that demonstrated his love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8) That is true kindness.

He showed kindness to us even while we were not deserving. He continues to do this and we still are not deserving. Do not miss the significance of Christ's example here. Are we ever tempted to only demonstrate kindness when we feel our spouse deserves our kindness? In light of Christ's example, who are we to do that?

Real life questions. When you and your spouse get home today, what will the both of you come home to? Will your spiritual, relational and physical home be filled with kindness and warmth? Or will the icy and willful condition of your hearts liken the environment to the chilly conditions outside of our house today?

This is one "Fruit Loop" that can yield amazing results when we apply it. When we choose to show kindness, with time, it becomes reciprocal, and even if it does not, Christ's kindness will continue to be extended to you.

You choose,

For Marriages,

Dave & Robin