Monday Marriage Minder - "Love Notes"

"I love you more today than I ever have before. You make me proud to be your wife! You are an awesome Pastor and a great man! You are my everything!"

After I had received and read that text message from my wife last night, I felt as though I could conquer the world. What man wouldn't? What man wouldn't be moved by such affirmation?

Far too often we underestimate the power of our words. Our words can lift someone's spirit to soaring heights, or grind their hearts into despair. No wonder Proverbs 18:21 in The Message, reads...

"Words kill, words give life; they're either poison
or fruit—you choose."



Our words can have a tremendous effect and affect on our marriages. Rather than pick apart my weaknesses, Robin chose words that built me up. Words like, love, proud, awesome, great and everything. Powerful words, and Robin knows that words are my love language.

Even in situations where there may be more negatives than positives present in a marriage, I truly believe that focusing on those positives - praising those words and behaviors that build, rather than destroy - will cause the negatives to eventually shrink out of sight.

For an excellent example of the efficacy of uplifting words in a marriage relationship, read the Song of Songs together as a couple. In this Old Testament book, you will see the playful and loving back-and-forth poetic banter between two lovers. The passages read just like love notes, written and placed in the conspicuous places of that day.

Are you struggling in a certain area of your marriage? Try focusing on and praising your spouse in the areas of your marriage that are good. I believe you will be pleasantly surprised.

No matter if you speak it, write it, text it, tweet it or facebook it, your words can contain life or death, praises or insults. By choosing your words - you choose the effect your words will have. Choose well!

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Mini Marriage Minder - Quote-of-the-Day

Have you ever realized how many circumstances of our lives, our marriages and our families are determined by our choices? Joshua had it right - "Choose this day, Whom you will serve!"

Monday Marriage Minder - 3-15-10 "Basic Training"

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
Proverbs 22:6 NIV

The verse, above, is often taken as a guarantee that a child raised in a Christian home and taught biblical principals will remain in the faith forever. Surely, teaching our children these things are important to their spiritual formation; however, some parents find themselves at a paradox when a child grows up and does turn away.

While pondering this verse today, the thought struck me that this verse is more of a command than a promise. Instilling Christian values and beliefs in our children is a priority for us parents. Dilligently teaching and demonstrating the parcels of that priority will not be without benefit for the child and reward for the parent.

Teachers will tell you that children learn through many avenues. Sight, touch, hearing, the sense of smell and taste, all lend to the learning experience. The more the senses are applied to learning, the more intense the memory of the lesson(s).

Of course, God knows this, hence the written command in Deuteronomy 6:4-9,

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." NIV

If our efforts to train our children are only verbal, containing words that only tell our children what is right, then we are missing opportunities for a greater impact on their young lives.

What would happen if, as husbands, wives and parents, we demonstrated Christ-like behavior through service to others? What if living the Christian life was saturated into our children daily? In doing so, the Gospel becomes far more that words on a page - it truly becomes alive.

We all teach. The question is, will we teach well?
There are plenty of opportunities to teach in word and deed. Your home church, it's ministries, para-church organizations, and various other ministries are great places to get in some basic training.

There was an old saying that stated that,
"The Family that prays together, stays together." Let's take that a bit further. The husband and wife that pray together, teach together, serve together and include their children in the process, will, I believe, stay together.

Living, loving, praying, learning and serving together!

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Mini Marriage Minder - Quote-of-the-Day

"The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again -- and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife." ~ Barbara De Angelis

Mini Marriage Minder - Quote-of-the-Day

"Marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." ~ Samuel Johnson

Who or what is your source for hope?

Mini Marriage Minder - Quote-of-the-Day

"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century." ~ Mark Twain

Monday Marriage Minder - "Happy" Series - Part 8 - "Hand-In-Hand"

“God blesses those who are persecuted because they live for God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.” Matt 5:10 NLT

Of all the stops during this journey, this week’s stop has been on my mind for the entire trip thus far. Sure, I have enjoyed discovering the truths and practices at each stop with you; however, once we continued on in the journey, my mind would immediately be thinking ahead to this stop.

It’s a difficult place, this place called persecution. The very name engenders thoughts that ask me, “What do you know about persecution?”, “How are you being persecuted?” and, “How are you ever going to relate this part of the passage to marriage while still capturing the true heart of this verse?” Good questions, for sure. I'll make a prayerful attempt at answering these questions.

Happiness within the context of a marriage is found close to the heart of God. As each of us draws closer to the heart of God, the more Christ-like become. Subsequently, the more Christ-like we become, the more different we seem to some of the people watching our lives.

This process, while positive, rewarding and necessary, is not free from problems arising from the clash of our beliefs, convictions and lifestyle with those of a differing worldview.

The Apostle Peter, said it best when he wrote:

“Of course, your former friends are very surprised when you no longer join them in the wicked things they do, and they say evil things about you.” 1 Peter 4:4 NLT

Our very lives, as a husbands and wives, will become a testimony to the power of Christ. This testimony, however, will not always be quickly accepted and praised by everyone. Therein lays part of the persecution. Alienation, abandonment and outright accusations may become part of the process.

So what do we do? Do we stop associating with the couples that poke fun at our “religion”? No! It is that same testimony lived in full view of the people within our sphere of influence that will not only lead others to Christ, but lead to our happiness.

Another form of persecution will come in the form of today’s media. Last night, after watching the closing ceremony of the Olympic Games, I watched a new show called “The Marriage Ref”. I have been hearing about this show for weeks and the title, naturally, intrigued me. I was skeptical about the shows pretext. In an attempt to be humorous, the show demonstrated how little value is placed on the covenant of marriage with the host claiming that “anyone who is contemplating marriage, has been married, is married, or is just getting out of a marriage is an expert on marriage.” I winced at that statement.

Can happiness in marriage be found in one spouse being declared the winner while the other – the loser? Sadly, this is where we are as a society. Counseling schedules, courtroom dockets and many forms of media are full of couples who are individually more concerned about winning than they are about their marriage.

All persecution for the Christian, is ultimately directed at Christ. When we stand hand-in-hand as Christian couples, the world will notice and many will be offended because of what our union represents. But, oh the promise that awaits us – the Kingdom of Heaven!

Can I encourage you as couples to, even tonight, reaffirm your covenant with your spouse and declare again that you will continue to stand hand in hand together regardless of what comes your way?

Keep doing that and happiness will be waiting ahead.

The Journey continues…

For Marriages and Families,

Dave