Monday Marriage Minder 11-30-09 "Integrity"

Good people are guided by their honesty; treacherous people are destroyed by their dishonesty. Proverbs 11:3 NLT

Our daughter, Kaitlin, is in her room, crying, as I write this. Saturday evening, she discovered a book in her bookcase, belonging to her 2nd-grade teacher who taught her last year. Apparently, she had forgotten that she had it and didn't take it back.
Kaitlin wants to take it back but she is afraid that she will get a mark against her perfect behavioral record.

As a parent, I would like to tell her, with absolute certainty, that nothing bad will happen by returning a book that she accidentally still has possession of. However, I do not know, with absolute certainty, that there will be no disciplinary action. I really cannot imagine such will be the case but I simply do not know.

Tomorrow morning, on the first day back to school from Thanksgiving break, she will return the book to it's owner. It is a scary lesson to learn but learning to be a person of integrity is a noble pursuit.

Far too often, children hear, or worse, see their parents fail at maintaining a character of integrity. From simply borrowing a few nuts and bolts from work to not wanting the hassle or inconvenience of returning the amount of money that was mistakenly given them in making change; adults display flawed character and the kids are quick to learn it.

So this is a opportunity to teach by example. I will take Kaitlin to school, go through the front office visitor screening, walk with her to the teacher's classroom and be with her as she returns the book. Whatever happens, I want her to know that she did the right thing and that I am proud of her.

As parents, grandparents and adults, please know that children, yours and others, are watching you. They are learning by observation about your true character. Just as I am showing Kaitlin the importance of returning what is not hers, we need to set a consistent example of integrity for this young generation.

The above verse speaks of two types of character. One is honest and the other dishonest. I'm convinced that dishonesty is not learned from a single and large event witnessed in a role model's life, but a lifestyle of numerous and seemingly insignificant incidents of dishonesty.

As parents, grandparents and adults, the question is not if we will be role models, but, what kind of role models we will be. Children learn their future roles by watching us.

Do you, as a role model, model a character of integrity?

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder - 11-16-09 - "Laugh"

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength. Prov 17:22 NLT

Last Month, Robin and I purchased a new computer which has some really cool features. Robin and the kids have been having some fun with the built-in web cam - making funny videos with strange voices etc.

A few nights ago, after watching videos of Robin and Alex sing Amazing Grace, The Lollipop Guild and others-in munchkin voices, Robin was recording a video where the program made her voice sound like a duck. Being the goofball I am, I couldn't resist coming up from behind, getting in the video and yelling the loudest, "Quack-Quack-Quack", that I could.

Upon replaying the video my voice-turned-duck, sounded hilarious! We all laughed so hard that our stomachs began to hurt. It was good to laugh, it changed our whole attitude and added life to our evening.

The next evening, after a long day at work, Robin came home and said that she had left work hoping that I would make her laugh again.

So often, our lives are so stressful that we forget to laugh. Even something as silly as sounding like a duck can melt away the tension of a day.

Most couples can think back to when they first met and remember times that they spent laughing. When asked, "What attracted you to him/her?" One of the most common responses that husbands and wives give is, "He/She makes me laugh!"

Are you or is your marriage relationship tired and broken in spirit? Look for something funny (life is full of funny things), watch something funny or do something funny. Don't forget to laugh - together!

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 11-9-09 "It Is Not Good"

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Genesis 2:18 NIV

For the past few weeks, due to colds, the kids' practice schedules and various obligations, Robin and I have been busy with the fast pace of our lives - meeting in passing and giving each other a quick kiss hello or goodbye.

For the past two Sundays, Robin has either not been able to attend church or has had to leave early. We certainly do not begrudge any of the activities our kids are in; however, I never quite feel complete without Robin close to me.

Sure, it's church, I'm surrounded by a family that loves me and I them, but without Robin's presence I misfire a bit and typically feel somewhat lost.

In thinking about this, what I feel goes far beyond anything Robin does, or, in her absence, does not do. Simply having her near is energizing and I am more focused and can accomplish far more tasks than I could without her.

I believe God knew this about us men, and uniquely gifted women to be an equal counterpart. Too often, I take for granted the gift God gave me in Robin. All she has to do is be herself and that helps me be a better person. I have learned that her counsel is wise and she seldom misses the mark when it comes to encouraging me and reading people.

Husbands, appreciate your wife's unique giftings and remember that she truly wants to help you become all that God wants you to be. God has well equipped her for that task.

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

MMM - Subscriptions

With our new MMM distributor comes a feature which tells us who has opened their MMM that week. To be a better steward of the gifts our faithful supporters have given us, we have set the automated list settings to delete the email address of any individual that has not opened the MMM within a 6 week time period.

Thanks for reading and thank you for your commitment to your marriage and marriage ministry!

Blessings!

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder - "Making Up For Lost Time"

Dreams can be a great thing. Having a dream motivates us - spurring us on to achieve great things. However, sometimes the pursuit of a dream can leave casualties in it's wake. Consider the following:


He was achieving national acclaim in his field. Public appearences, magazine articles, radio and television spots were becoming commonplace for him. National corporations were pursuing him with promotional contracts and he was expected to become one of the next big names in the industry. His friends became those who could best further his rise to fame. To most within his sphere of influence, he appeared to have it all.

Left in the shadows; however, was his wife and his children. Sure, he loved them but his dream and the subsequent drive for success was first-place in his life. Even more sad, his once close relationship with God became even lower on his list of priorities. He would often pray, "Lord, don't come back until I've accomplished..."

The story goes on to reveal a change. A changed heart, a changed life and a changed dream. God blessed him by allowing a devastating financial loss and a abrupt change in the direction of his life.

God has faithfully restored a sincere love and focus on Christ, family and others in his life. Just as God promised to restore what was taken from the children of Israel in Joel chapter 2, God has restored blessings far over and above the desires of his heart.

Recently, he told his wife that someone wanted to talk with him about his old life. His wife questioned him as to his response. He simply stated, "That man has been dead for years."

Robin's smile was priceless - God is a master at making up for lost time. God has restored those years!

For Marriages and Families,

Dave & Robin Kidd


Questions of the Week




1. What does your priority list look like?

2. What motivates you, in your marriage, your family, your life and/or your ministry?

3. How has God changed your dreams as a couple?

Monday Marriage Minder - "Forever-Bump"

1 Cor 7:28b NIV

...but those who marry will face many troubles in this life...

This past Saturday, upon returning home from our Sweetest Day lunch date, my wife Robin and I were met at the door by the smiling faces of our four kids. After inquiring as to what the smiles were about, the kids proceeded to tell us that they had been discussing the symbolism of wedding rings. An odd conversation for teens and kids for sure. Apparently, one of the twins told the younger ones that the rings symbolized "Forever" because a ring has no beginning and no end-a ring keeps going round and round.

Our son, Alex, being a bright young man of 11 years (today) questioned his brothers about the woman's ring, having a setting and diamond. "So for a woman, it's forever-bump-forever-bump-forever-bump." As they were telling us this Robin and I couldn't help but to laugh.

After my laughter subsided, the scripture above came to my mind and I thought how problems come into our marriage that when worked through together, serve to strengthen our marriage and bring relational growth.

Yesterday, I quoted that same scripture in a conversation with a friend while standing in the church foyer. Then, again, in a couple's workshop, yesterday afternoon, this same scripture was quoted by another friend of mine. Each time that this occurred, Robin and I would look at each other and smile - each one thinking - "forever-bump-forever-bump".

In marriage as in Christian life, God allows trials and tests - "troubles" if you will, to refine us and shape us and our marriage into something better. The key is staying the course after hitting the "bump" of the trouble.

If there was never any adversity, would there ever be any growth? Far too often, we hit a relational "bump" and allow ourselves to be thrown way off course. However, if we expect the bumps in our marriage, if we are prepared for the bumps, then we can better navigate through them and stay the course of forever - on earth with our spouse and in preparation for eternity with Christ.

Marital and relational bumps are sure to come. Enjoy the journey and learn from the bumps. Allow those things to strengthen your marriage. The next time you experience a "bump" in your marriage, look at your rings!

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder - Broken Heart

Luke 17:1-3 NIV

Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves."

*This week’s MMM is especially close to my heart and has been the most difficult to write. If you are expecting wit, wisdom and decent grammar, then you will probably be disappointed. However, I am asking you to read my broken heart in the lines to follow. As I studied the above verses, their implications became very real to me. I sat for hours writing this, praying, crying and deleting lines only to retype them again. I believe I am just going to go "all-in" and unburden my heart. The unsubscribe tool is at the bottom of the page. - Dave

Youth! I love to be around them. I love speaking in their services. I love their goofiness and their passion. Having spent several years as the head of the youth committee for a denominational district, I loathed "aging out" of the youth leader ranks. My experiences with youth groups has left a soft spot in my heart for teens.

Every time I'm in a church service, I find myself glancing at the young people." Are they engaged in worship?" "Are they connecting with the message and, more importantly, with God?" These questions flash through my mind.

In recent years, I have noticed a disturbing trend that appears to be everywhere. Besides the "youth group section", I notice more and more disconnected teens in the pews. I am always glad to see them in the service, but so many appear to only be there, physically. What breaks my heart is that a large majority of these kids in focus come from a background of family dysfunction. Look at their faces and one can see the emptiness, pain and confusion. Browse the public social media sites and you can read the posts of despair, depression and anger.

The pastors and counselors, who comprise the majority reading this e-votional, can attest that teens, whose Christian parents are struggling in their marriage or have divorced, are often struggling with their relationship with God. I know their pastor’s heart breaks as well. Their hearts break because this breaks God's heart! There isn't a week that goes by that I don't counsel, in some way or another, a hurting teen whose parents not only can't get it together, but refuse to allow God to get them together. In the above verse, Jesus had even stronger words for anyone causing a youth to stumble which literally includes causing them to walk away from their relationship with God. (Do a word study on the Greek - "skandalizo") Thankfully, God's grace reaches far beyond this; however, the pain inflicted on young lives is tragic and I believe that Christ will expect an account as he judges the believers.

I could write paragraphs, but it would only be to convey the idea that we can keep watching the teens in our churches walk away from the faith, or we can mobilize through God's power and minister or minister more to the primary influence'rs of these teens - their parents. We can touch a teen for Christ by investing a couple hours each week, but what would happen if we reached their parent's marriage or the wounded heart of a single parent?

Want to keep more teens for Christ? Touch the parent(s).

As always, the greatest thing that we can do is to heed Christ's warning in verse 3 - "Watch Yourselves". I am recommitting to that watch over my own life. The stakes are too high in the aspects of young lives and marriages. Also, there is coming a day when I will stand before God.

For Marriages and Youth,

Dave

Marriage Auto-Pilot

Phil 3:13-14 NIV
Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I'm a bit of an aviation buff. I've always been fascinated with planes and flying. Recently, I was reading an article that detailed the events leading up to a devastating plane crash. It seems that up until the time that something went wrong, the plane was on auto-pilot.

Surprisingly, the most difficult aspect of learning to fly is the seemingly simple act of flying straight and level. An auto-pilot feature makes flying a plane much easier as it, in its simplest capabilities, causes the plane to maintain a compass heading. Straight and level flying simplified. However, when left unattended, an auto-pilot feature is capable of flying a plane into the side of a mountain.

Pilots are taught and trained that an auto-pilot feature still needs to be programmed and monitored. It will cause the plane to fly only in the direction the pilot programs it to. Plus, a basic auto-pilot will not automatically cause the plane to climb in order to gain altitude to clear a mountain peak. Failure to program an auto-pilot feature properly or simply turning it on and then forgetting it can lead to disaster.

In marriage simply saying "I do" without understanding what one is saying "I do" to. Or. To think that "I do" said once will suffice for the entire marriage, rather than "I did and I still do", can lead to equally devastating results.

Auto-pilots for planes are helpful. Auto pilots for marriages are devastating. If we are not calculating our motives, monitoring our thoughts, words and actions and investing in the future of our marriages, chances are, we're on auto pilot.

The Apostle Paul's words to the church in Philippi apply as well to the marriage relationship as it does to what the marriage relationship represents. If we are content with where we are and are unconcerned about where we are going we could be headed straight into a mountainside. One of the most common statements heard about plane crashes and marital conflict is, "We never saw it coming."

An acquaintance of mine has a life saying. It says, "Grow daily or die gradually." What are you doing for your marriage in order for it to grow? Or. Is your marriage on auto-pilot?

For Marriages,

Dave

You Choose - Monday Marriage Minder

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved." 1 Corinthians 10:31-33 NIV

It would have been easier to stay on the path. It would have been easier to do what everybody else was doing. It also would have been easier on my body to do the bare minimum. However, in doing those things, I would have missed the experience of traveling the road less taken and being rewarded with amazing beauty and a memory etched into the minds of a young man and his father.

Hiking wooded trails and scaling rock ledges is hardly the norm for me but the opportunity presented itself and I jumped at the chance. We had been walking along the trail for a while when someone pointed out a a narrow and rock-lined crag in a cliff. After hearing a remark about it being too hard of a climb for the "old man", all it took was one look at my son, Brandon, and we were climbing.

When we reached the top, the view below was breathtaking as we looked over several miles of forest. While we were up there, I couldn't help but think about how many times we, as couples, are content with just doing the bare minimum, following the crowd on a path that never leads to grand views and wonderful experiences within our marriages.

If our marriage is our mission, shouldn't we "do" marriage for the glory of God? Is God impressed when we simply exist with each other - the bare minimum? Is that the sum of his plan for our marriages? Is that the image of Christ's relationship with his church that we want to convey to others?

I could have stayed on the path, but choosing to climb that ledge (and nearly every other ledge we found from then on) with my son paid immediate dividends and will, undoubtedly, pay more as his young life unfolds. In the same way, if I choose to love my wife for the glory of God, what dividends will that pay into the lives and souls of those within our sphere of influence?

The choice is ours to make. With my mind on the mission, I choose to love for the glory of God!

For Marriages!

Your Marriage - Your Mission

Think about this statement. Every individual has a God-ordained mission. Just as every individual has a mission, so does every marriage - especially Christian marriages. Our mission as married couples is multi-faceted, which we will begin to address here.

In God's Word, the Bible, there are several main themes outlined from cover to cover. One could say that the Bible's main theme is Theo-centric - with God as the grand subject. Others might maintain that the main theme is mankind’s relationship to God. Still others, including myself, believe that the primary theme of the Scriptures is reconciliation -namely, God's plan to reconcile mankind to himself. It is in this plan, this ongoing and blood-bought labor of love that we find our mission in our marriages.

For his reasons alone, God chose to use us, his people, to be his mouth, hands and feet in restoring mankind to himself. Our enemy, Satan, reeked havoc on that fateful day in the garden. Hence Gods all- knowing and pre-fall command to mankind - "increase in number and rule over the earth and subdue it. (Gen 1:28) The fall of man, shifted the perfect to imperfect, the balanced to in-balanced and from good to evil. The fall resulted with mankind taking on a sinful mind and a nature displeasing to God.

...the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. (Rom 8:7-8 NIV)

However, God has enlisted every married couple to aid in this reconciliation endeavor.

Has not [the LORD] made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. (Mal 2:15 NIV)

Sadly, many individuals and marriages within our own families, communities and even our churches are still marked by that devastating day. But we as married Christians, even though our human nature still bears remnants of that mark, can be a light to those individuals and couples. We can facilitate reconciliation by being examples of Christ's love in the way we demonstrate that love to our spouse. Our marriages are entrusted instruments in God's hands to lead others into the restoring balance and peace that a reconciling relationship with Jesus Christ can bring.

In his book, Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas writes, "We cannot discuss with any integrity the ending of "a relation of enmity" and the dawning of "peace and goodwill" if our marriages are marked with divorce, fighting and animosity." (Zondervan 2000) Additionally, Thomas asks a very pointed question. "How can I tell my children that God's promise of reconciliation is secure when they see that my own promise doesn't mean a thing?" (Zondervan 2000)

Marriages are foundational to God's mission of reconciliation. As a Christian couple, your marriage is your mission! More on this in future weeks.

God's Got This!

Phil 4:6-7 NIV

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

We really enjoyed the time off, spending time with family and checking out the sights at D.C.
Our vacation was unexpectedly extended one more day as our van's alternator decided to get to
the business of dying about 20 minutes out of D.C. Having had it replaced before, we knew the
potential for another costly repair. I decided that we were going to get as far away from the city as we could. Robin and I were praying that we would make it somewhere safe, were we could get it repaired.

Enter God

As we neared Hagerstown, MD, the alternator gave up and the van quickly began sputtering as
the battery voltage dropped too low to run the fuel pump properly. At this point, our prayer efforts went into overdrive.

We were using a borrowed GPS unit that was doing a great job at turn-by-turn directions.
It was programmed to guide us home. As the van began to sputter, the GPS unit suddenly
told me to take the next exit. After exiting, the GPS directed me to turn right in 800 yards and,
upon achieving that distance, directed me into the parking lot of a Hampton Inn,
where the van completely died. Looking around, I noticed a sign that said Byrd's Auto repair on a building right next to the Motel.

Being a Sunday evening, it was closed. Long story short, we spent the night at The Hampton Inn, which included swimming in the pool, eating pizza and enjoying a complimentary hot breakfast.
On Monday morning, the repair shop replaced the alternator for $150.00 less than expected and we were again on our way.

When I arrived back at the church office, there was a envelope in my mailbox which contained
a check. Someone on Sunday morning, before we had even left D.C., felt led to give me and my
family a love gift which covered most of the repair bill.

God is always in control! In good times and bad, blessings and trials, He is God! Too often, we limit God to the size of our largest problem or worse, our current problem(s). We just wanted to get off of the highway and be safe. God provided in His true fashion – beyond our requests and
imaginations.

Whatever the circumstance, be it in your marriage, family or life, ask God to work in
it and provide the solution. What God can do will amaze you.

Looking back, when asked about what she liked most about our
vacation, our daughter Kaitlin answered, "Staying at the Hampton Inn".


Question of The Week:

What areas do you need to give to God for in your marriage, family and life? When you give it
To Him, you can be assured that “God’s Got This”!

For Marriages and Families,

Dave


©2009 Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Quote of the Week

NAME Marriage Network "If my marriage is right, then I can have my family right. If my family is strong, then we can help other families be strong. If we have strong families, we will have a strong church. Imagine how strong our Christian impact can be if we just fix ourselves at the root, in our marriage."

Just Like Me?

1 Cor 10:12-13 NIV
So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!

My Son, Alex and I were in the van, sitting at a red light when I noticed a church sign with these words on it.

"If you want them (children) to be just like you, point them to God."

I pondered those words as we drove on. We had not gone one block before Alex asked, "Do you want me to be just like you?" He, too, had read the sign. My answer came immediately. "NO, I want you to be better than me," I told him. I looked in the rearview mirror in time to catch his smile.

It is true! If Alex, or any of my children, turn out only to be like me, then I would probably view my role as their father - a failure. Allow me to be very transparent and honest here. I am far from great, in fact, I still have to go before my Lord and ask his forgiveness on a regular basis. I am on the journey but I have not arrived! If I allow myself to think that I can relax and be content in my own growth in Christ, then I have not only hindered my relationship with Christ but I have jeopardized my children’s' potential.

Contentment sounds great, peaceful even. However, being content with where we are with Christ is complacency. Much of who I am has been shaped by actions of the past – actions that were mine or of those closest to me. It is imperative that I continue to grow in Christ because, to a certain extent, the souls of four "Kidds" depend on it.

Destructive patterns have run in my family for several generations. Patterns of behavior that I, by the grace and favor of God, intend to break, not just for me but for our children. To that end, the Apostle Paul's advice in the above verse must become a code in my life. While my eyes remain stayed on the Rock that is Jesus, I will strain forward as if my feet are always in sand.

Winning While Losing

Winning While Losing

August 3, 2009

Eph 4:26 NIV
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

“This could go on for hours,” I thought while trying to reposition my body behind the wooden barricade protecting me from the pummeling spray of the “enemy’s front lines.. At that point, I had two choices, stay put behind the barricade or try to advance toward the “enemy” and risk getting shot.

I didn’t have to ponder that decision for long because just as I positioned my gun for a shot at a defending opponent, I felt a paintball hit my gun barrel, and I saw the paint splatter over my hands, hence my elimination from the game. I raised my gun in the air and began walking off the field, only to be hit by a few more shots.

That didn’t seem right, I was done and doing what I was supposed to do and someone couldn’t resist taking a few cheap shots at an easy target.

Marriage is hardly like a game of paintball; however, while I was walking off of that field, I thought about how we try to have the last say in an argument or to win a disagreement. It is the same as taking those last few cheap shots before we put the gun of our own selfishness away.

The verse above reminds us not to sin in our anger. However, if husbands are to love their wife as Christ loved the church, taking a cheap shot is a sin – even when they, too are being shot at.

Truce anyone?

Leading Your Heart - Beyond Feelings

"The human heart is most deceitful and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I know! I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve."
Jeremiah 17:9-10 NLT

Feelings! We hear about them often. How many sentences do we begin with, "I feel" or "I don't feel"? There is some cause for concern when relationships, especially marriages are based on feelings.

One of my favorite lines from the movie Fireproof, says that, "you have to lead your heart." Wow, that is powerful. The heart is the wellspring of our affective lives- our feelings. Our hearts will deceive us. Because the heart-our self, will try to focus our minds on "what I want" and miss important and even obvious aspects. The heart will see a beautiful gold ring but fail to see the green skin of the finger that the fake ring is on. That is the danger on living and loving by feelings. But, a mind fixed on serving Christ and others will lead our hearts to pure love, pure joy and ultimate fulfillment. Think about this! What does it mean to surrender our heart to Christ? It is laying down our self, saying life isn't about me and my feelings.

Perhaps we need to rethink some things. Maybe loving God and our spouse with our hearts isn't near enough. Consider this...

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:30-31NIV (emphasis mine)

Love involves far more than our heart. It includes everything we are. Lead your heart by deciding to love your spouse unconditionally like God loves us. God is watching.

Monday Marriage Minder - Raising Contenders

Ps 127:3-5 NIV
Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Have you ever had one of those months when everything seemed to be going wrong and even when people rallied in support, you still felt alone, vulnerable and weak? My mothers death, one month ago, ushered in such a time in my life. Often, in these times, one feels distracted and is unable to concentrate. Even things that one typically enjoys doing have less appeal. Subsequently, ant-hills become mountains as the most simple problem appears to be unsolvable.

I have used the above passage before; however, I want to focus on the last line. With Father's Day approaching I want to emphasize that children raised to love and honor God will not be put to shame when they face their enemies. As Christians we have a common enemy and he always seeks to steal, kill and destroy every person and every family.

This week, I received a private message from one of my sons that simply stated that he loves me and is praying for me. With all that I have faced and am continuing to face, it is exciting to watch as one of my "arrows" is flying straight at the heart of the enemy on my behalf.

I cannot think of a better Father's Day gift.

Monday Marriage Minder Returns 5/25/09

Sharing The Love - For Marriages

Tonight, Robin and I, along with our friends, had the opportunity to attend a mini-marriage conference presented by Tim and Linda Buttrey of Restoration Resources. I was touched at Tim and Linda's transparency and heart for marriages. There were several times when Robin noticed me squirming in my seat as I was listening to and agreeing with this couple of like passions.

I would like to draw your attention to this marriage ministry. You can find Restoration Resources on the web at www.restorationresources.us The website has links to Tim's blog and contains a wealth of information on marriage family and faith. Strengthening marriages together!

For Marriages and Families

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder - Disappointed

(Read Phillipians-Chapter 3)
Phil 3:12-14 NIV
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

In his book The Life You've Always Wanted - Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People, John Ortberg begins the first chapter by penning the words, "I'm disappointed". With the exception of God's Word - the Bible, I do not recall a book that has spiritually bloodied and battered me as much as the first few pages of this book have. You see, I immediately connected with Ortberg's sentiment -"I'm disappointed".

I am disappointed that I am not a better husband. I am disappointed that I am not a better Father. I am disappointed that I am not a better Son, friend, pastor, counselor, and student. I am disappointed that I am not BETTER, period. What has hurt the most is the fact that I am not a better Christian. I am not what I could be and should be; falling far short of all that God has called me to be. Am I better than I once was? I think so. But, I can be better!

Far too many times in life, we fall prey to the attitude that says we're "good enough” or, “good enough because it would be too hard to be better”. This affects every aspect of our life. I am not a better husband because I allow my "self" to get in the way. I am not a better Father because being better would require shifting my focus away from myself. On and on it goes to the same end - I am my own worst enemy. Whether it's partner, parent or pastor, at the end of the day I still have more questions than answers and more struggles than strengths.

I think that is why the Apostle Paul, the self proclaimed worst of all sinners, wrote these words. In them, he says, "I am not there yet, but I am trying!" Although he learned to be content in whatever earthly situation and surrounding, he never was content in his spiritual growth in Christ. He realized the value in becoming more like Christ and, increasingly, so am I. If I become more Christ-like, I will become better in every aspect of my life.

For years I have used the old pyramid diagram when counseling couples. If a husband and wife each form one of the bottom corners of the pyramid and God is represented by the point at the top; as each person comes closer to God they automatically come closer to each other. My point is this. I am not as close to God as I can be, so I am obviously not as close to Robin as I could be.

My prayer is that I will always be disappointed. Are you disappointed?

Stepping It Up!

I took a step of faith today. I have been praying and sensing the Holy Spirit's leading to expand the marriage ministry to which God has called us. After a month of prayer, I finally sent out our new brochure offering to minister to marriages in any church.

A member at one church which recently asked us to come and do a conference wanted to know how much we "charged" to speak at a conference. I looked at Robin, Robin looked at me, we both blinked and, simultaneously, our minds shifted into neutral. Uhhh...

I was the first to speak ( I hate it when I do that) How about $100.00 for a weekend? Robin looked at me like I was nuts. She was right, I am nuts. $100.00 was way to much. Robin and I have been called by God to minister to those marriages that are falling through the cracks due to job losses and the subsequent loss of insurance coverage which makes many of the good ministries currently available, cost prohibitive.

We decided, right then and there, we would continue ministering to all couples and let God take care of the rest. We have never set a fee for counseling, mentoring, speaking or writing (95% free-of-charge) and God has been more than faithful.

I do not know what type of responses I will receive from the churches, if any; but God will continue to draw hurting people and couples to us so that we may be faithful and obedient to his call.

How's Your Aim? - Our Greatest Responsibility and Ministry

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.
Ps 127:3-4 NIV

Saturday night, we went to a friend's (yes we have friends) birthday party at a banquet hall. Being in a public facility, when the need arose, I took our son, Alex, to the restroom. As we walked, I said something silly to which he responded back with silliness far surpassing anything I could come up with.

I do not recall how the subject came up, but in between the silliness, I told him that two of my favorite things in life were being a husband to his mother and being his father. He looked at me and asked, "Even more than being a rock star?" I have no idea where that came from.

When we returned to our home that evening, I heard Alex telling my wife, Robin, what I had said. I think that he felt even more loved and secure by that simple statement made from a man who still has more questions than answers.

Yesterday, during our morning church service, we had a baby dedication. I used the above verse on the picture we projected during the dedication. As I was preparing that picture, I realized that if children are like arrows, than I, as their father, have the responsibility of aiming our children toward God and his will for their young lives. If I aim them at Christ, chances are they will become godly young men and a godly young lady. However, if I aim them at anything else...

There are three things that I want our children to always know and remember about their father. That I love God, I love their mother and that I love them! You see what I'm aiming them at? I want them to grow up and exhibit those same qualities to God, their spouse and their children.

How's your aim?

Adapted from the MONDAY MARRIAGE MINDER free e-letter. To subscribe send an email to revdkidd@gmail.com with Subscribe MMM in the subject line.

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

February 16, 2009

Mark 10:27 NIV
"all things are possible with God."

Two years ago, Robin and I sat in a meeting where we poured out our hearts and burden for marriages and the Church to three gentlemen who would help decide our course in the ministry. The eldest man asked a question that has haunted me often since then. First, he asked us if we deemed our ministry as successful. After indicating that I believed that the ministry was successful, he commenced into a long and silent stare. Then he asked THE question. He asked if, in our ministry to couples, we had ever saw a couple's marriage restored after they had divorced. At that time, my honest answer was, "no".

I have to admit, although I probably continued to smile for the rest of the interview, inside, I was completely deflated. Until that time, the desire for God to use us to strengthen marriages and see husbands and wives stay in their marriages for a lifetime were our primary goals. Now, we are supposed to get divorced couples to marry each other again? I remember thinking, "Are you kidding me?" Did I even have enough faith to allow myself to think of such a thing?

Fast forward to this past weekend. Robin and I hosted, spoke and facilitated at a marriage conference that was based on the ministry of Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (Love and Respect) coupled with a sneak-peek of the "Love Is" conference that God gave Robin and I during a recent fast. God moved on the hearts of many couples and, at the conclusion of the conference, we watched as 30 couples renewed their vows, including a divorced couple who recommitted themselves to their marriage!

We witnessed the above verse as it came to life in the hearts of many couples this past weekend. The changes I witnessed in some of the couples already has given me the courage to stand on the promise of that scripture and dream for even greater things.

How about you? What are you facing in your marriage that looks impossible? Maybe the apparent impossibility is in the marriage of someone you know. Do you have the faith to trust God for the answer? Perhaps marriages struggle because we, as husbands and wives, lose sight of God's ability. With us it may very well be impossible, but with God...

For Marriages and Families

Dave

Love and Respect Reflects: I HAVE DECIDED

Love and Respect Reflects: I HAVE DECIDED

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

January 12, 2009

What Are Your Words Saying?

You have probably heard the saying, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." I am going to suggest that it is both what you say and how you say it. Lately, we have been teaching our kids about their responsibility in speech. Over the last two years I have been holding to a verbal lifestyle that says, "If it comes out of my mouth, I am responsible for:

• What I said.
• What I meant.
• All the non verbals (body language).
• How what I said was received and interpreted."

In short, if I say something and someone interprets it differently than how I meant it, it is MY response-ability to:

1. Apologize for any miscommunication.
2. Offer clarification.
3. Learn from my communicative mistake.

I am sure we have all seen many relationships destroyed because someone would not take responsibility for what they said. Perhaps this is why in Collosians 4:66, Paul writes, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone". NIV

This is especially true for the target audience of the above verse - the believers. Just a few words that are misinterpreted by the hearer can have devastating effects. Imagine placing the guidelines mentioned above in the marriage relationship. Might it remove some of the teeth from our bad moods, disagreements and our arguments? Simply taking responsibility for words, directed at our spouse, will cause us to think before we speak and then, speak those words in love.

Question of the Week: What if you could visually see your word's effect on your spouse? What would you change?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave