Monday Marriage Minder 9-29-08

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

September 29, 2008

Love Is... Part Nine (9)

"it (Love) keeps no record of wrongs," 1 Corinthians 13:5d NIV

Oh, to be like Jesus! As I was preparing to write this installment of the MMM, my mind dug up an old childhood memory of a former pastor singing an old gospel song that has Jesus asking, "What sins are you talking about? I don't remember them anymore." Wouldn't it be great to be able to forget every wrong that had been committed against us? Greater still is the fact that Jesus chooses to forget our sins and wrongs! Imagine if we could do that. Fact is, we're supposed to be gaining that ability as we grow in Christ and as we're being transformed into His image.

Can you imagine what this aspect of love could do in a marriage? There would be no more wives saying, "I know you left the toilet seat up," (even before she walks into the bathroom). There also would be no more husbands saying, "Even if I didn't, you will blame it on me anyway." Silly as these examples are, they both depict a respective and kept record of past wrongs.

How many disagreements, arguments, fights and outright brawls (it happens in some marriages) could be prevented if we could stop keeping record of wrongs. As a pastoral counselor, contrary to many secular methodologies, I strive to minister "in the now", meaning I often divert the counselee's focus away from the past behaviors of their spouse. This serves two distinct purposes. First, what is in the past cannot be changed and therefore our energies are better spent on forming new possibilities and patterns of behavior. Second, it establishes a model for the couple to utilize at home.

On one occasion I counseled a couple who were mired in a bog of "record keeping". I had them write down all of the past behaviors that they most disliked about their spouse on a piece of paper. When they had completed their "list", I had them place their list in an envelope and seal it. After writing their names on their envelope I had them exchange envelopes and instructed them to grab their coats and get some matches. We walked out in the snow and burned the unopened envelopes. I told them the past is gone and I asked them if they were ready to move forward. Sounds crazy but it is effective, as long as they don't start digging up ashes.

How about throwing away the scorecards, the tally sheets and the journal of wrongs that we've suffered? What could it do for our marriage, our family and our church?

Question of The Week: Got a list that needs burned?

Assignment of The Week: Go see the movie FIREPROOF with your spouse. www.fireproofthemovie.com

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Love & Respect Ministries, Binding Hearts Marriage & Family Ministries and Grace Fellowship

invite you to...

A Valentines To Remember February 13-14, 2009

at

Grace Fellowship

Canton, Ohio

Details Coming Soon

Info: revdkidd@gmail.com

FIREPROOF - In Theaters Today

Just a note to encourage all marriage ministry leaders to take their couples to see this movie. Invite friends, neighbors, co-workers. I believe that God will use this movie to change marriages and lives.

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder - September 22, 2008

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

September 22, 2008

Love Is... Part Eight (8)

"it (Love) is not easily angered," 1 Corinthians 13:5c NIV

After a week of computer problems, followed by a several days without power, we can finally resume our look at the characteristics of love. Speaking of the lack of electric power, while what was left of "Ike" blew through last Sunday evening, we were making our way home from church - dodging branches, power lines and debris. We were approximately half-way home when our daughter announced that she needed a restroom - urgently. The road we travel is in farm country - no gas stations, rest stops or stores. Finally, in the necessity of the moment, I pulled onto a side road. My wife opened her door, and as she did, "Ike" tried to claim the door as his. A split second and $1250.00 in damages later, my wife climbed out of the van and opened the sliding door to let our crying daughter out.

It would have been easy for us to lose our temper and become angry. But, being under the influence of God's love, to us and through us, created that "check" in our hearts that prompted us to step back, emotionally, and reason through the situation. Was our dented fender and bent door unfortunate? Yes. But that would not have given us the right to be angry at one another. When we're angry we tend to say hurtful things. We use words that tear down and destroy. Sometimes, saying the wrong thing at the worst time can yield irreparable damages. It is common for something that was said years ago in anger to be the root of fresh poison in a relationship today.

As I write this, our van is in the Body-Shop. It is being repaired. A few parts, paint, and varnish and the van will be fine. However, the damage from the words that could have been spoken in the heat of anger would not have been nearly as easy to fix.

Ephesians 4:26 contains a warning. It is a warning against the damaging effects of anger, because, when prolonged, anger can easily lead to sin. Imagine what our marriages, families, churches, communities and world would look like if this characteristic of love was lived out in just our own lives.

Question of The Week: How has un-checked anger caused damage to your marriage and family relationships?


For Marriages & Families,
Dave

Love & Respect Ministries, Binding Hearts Marriage & Family Ministries and Grace Fellowship

invite you to...

A Valentines To Remember


February 13-14, 2009

at

Grace Fellowship

Canton, Ohio

Details Coming Soon

Info: revdkidd@gmail.com

MMM - Love Is... Part Seven (7)

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

September 1, 2008

Love Is... Part Seven (7)

It (Love) is not self seeking, 1 Corinthians 13:5b NIV

Labor Day - Wow, was this holiday named right! I could smell the bar-b-ques. I could imagine the steaks, chicken, burgers and brats, sizzling on the hot iron. My imagination was all that I had. Between me and the bar-b-ques stood a 7 foot high privacy fence that encloses my sister's back yard. While nearly every residence in the community played host to family and friends, Robin and I were on our third day of installing the hardwood floor and trim in my sister's basement.

I have to be honest and admit that I was thinking of many other things that I would rather be doing - and that I was thinking of them often. Arriving at home tonight, I opened my Bible to remind myself of the aspect of love that we're looking at this week. Wham! Serves me right!

Robin and my sister really wanted to get as much of this project as possible, done this weekend. I don't think that I verbally complained (too much) but I had the thoughts, so I'm guilty. Guilty of not showing true love by happily thinking of the wants and needs of others before my own. Forgive me Lord!

Question of The Week: Examine your mind and your heart. How have you been self-seeking and not shown true love to your spouse and family?

For Marriages & Families,
Dave