When the Beginning Isn't the Beginning

When the Beginning Isn't the Beginning

   

"Certainly - but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality - the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting - but only for such times. 

Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us 

when we least expect it."

1 Cor 7:2-5

(THE MESSAGE)  

You've both ran around the house, tidying things up from that evening's meal, the hours of snacking that accompanied the homework, the TV watching and the marathon of texting that continues constantly and you manage to get yourself showered only to collapse into bed, exhausted from the day's work and responsibilities. 

Now, just as you feel sleep starting to envelop you, your spouse lays their hand on you - a tell-tale warning that sleep isn't on their mind. 

For wives, it's often, not always, but often, a gesture of wanting to connect, more emotionally than physically.  You lay your hand on your husband's chest and your head on his shoulder. It's a closeness that soothes you and brings you a feeling of contentment and security.

For many husbands, again, not all, but many, our intentions are often more direct. We lay our hand on our wife's hip but it doesn't stay there long. It either moves north to the mountains or south to the coast, either way it is sending a clear message.

While this does reveal a need to address the whole topic of loving, valuing and caring for our spouse through our advances, we will save that for another week. I do want to bring to light the fact that with a busy lifestyle, our energy is consumed more quickly than we realize. 

Throughout any given day, we have opportunity to initiate and build the excitement and anticipation of our physical intimacy. However, we often fail to create that expectancy when we do not take the time to communicate verbally, and more often, non-verbally with our spouse. When we do not touch, do not talk and do not make those little connections throughout the day, there is little wonder why we often find ourselves sleepily trying to ignite a passionate fire with wet wood and old matches.

Robin and I have been guilty of this and we are still working on improving in this area. It starts in the morning. Robin is an early riser, waking well before I do. When she wakes me with a kiss, my anticipation starts right then. And when my anticipation is started, I respond in a more loving and intentional manner. 

When we pass each other in the bathroom as she is getting ready for her day, or as she is spending time in God's Word in the kitchen, a hug from behind, and kiss on her head or neck builds her anticipation and desire to emotionally and physically connect with me.

It can also be something that catches our spouse off guard, something unpredictable as to when, where and what was done. 

When we meet the felt needs of our spouse it is a very motivating experience for them. By serving our spouse throughout the day, in and out of bed, we demonstrate our love for them and our desire to be with them, emotionally and physically.

Paul, while single,  had great insight into this need for service and connectivity. We would do well to heed it. Sexual intimacy isn't initiated minutes before lovemaking, it is maintained and fueled by everything we say and do toward and for our spouse.

The taste of Robin's good morning kiss is still on my lips, mentally and emotionally, Now if you excuse me, I have a load of laundry to switch in the utility room and some steaks to turn in the marinade bag and some floors to sweep so Robin and I have time for our family and each other when she gets home.

It is going to be a great weekend. Make it a great one too.

For Marriages & Families,

Dave