Monday Marriage Minder 9-20-2010 "En-Garde"

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Monday Marriage Minder 9-6-2010 "Darkness Among Us"

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Monday Marriage Minder - "Borrowed Time

"May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer — may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love."
Proverbs 5:18-19 NIV

"I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me. Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom — there I will give you my love."
Song of Solomon 7:10-12 NIV

Wow! I think I might need to open a window. Steamy stuff, smoking off the pages of God's Word. And to think that some people, ignorantly, call God's Word boring. Hardly.

I want to ask you a question. How are you spending your time together as a couple? If you are like Robin and I, your time and attention seems to be always divided and, often, diverted away from the second most important relationship that we have - our relationship with our spouse.

I am writing from recent and current experience. In the midst of the seemingly chaotic days of our life, Robin and I have become painfully aware of the time we are borrowing from "OUR" time.

You know what I am talking about. Instead of stealing moments away together, we continue, full speed ahead, with activities with our kids, house projects, daily chores and the list could go on. Even though these things are important, we often forget to count the cost that is demanded.

The Costs of Borrowing

1. Relational Bankruptcy

We are all given 24 hours in a day. Regardless of what anyone says, that 24 hours is the same length for everyone - not one second longer or shorter. We can use our 24 hours to do important things. However, if those important things take over and begin to exclude the urgent need we have for time with our spouse, then we are headed for disaster.

Time, in our current reality, is in a state of constant progression. If we choose to "borrow" the time we could spend with our spouse and use it in another activity, then the relational account we have with our spouse for that day receives a deduction.

String enough withdrawals together, even over a short period of time and a marriage could be headed for bankruptcy.

2. Fatigue

Beyond borrowing time, when we choose another activity other than being with our spouse we have to borrow the energy which could have been used with our spouse - in conversation, in a walk or in an intimate encounter. It all takes energy.

Is it any wonder why so many couples state that they feel so distant from each other? They fall into bed at night, too exhausted - mentally, to even have a coherent conversation; emotionally , to even understand those three little words; and, physically? Dream On!

Our lifestyles in this world of ease and convenience is draining the life out of many marriages.

3. Priority Importance

Priorities are a must for any marriage. I'm not writing about the theoretical but the practical priorities that we strive to live out in our day to day lives.

I recently read a fact that was posted by a friend and fellow marriage ministry provider, Stephen Buckner, that said that couples that pray together are 90% more likely to report high satisfaction in their sex lives than couples who do not pray together. Think about it...

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Matthew 6:33 NIV

"Delight yourself in the Lord
and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalms 37:4 NIV

Am I implying that praying together as a couple will automatically result in a more satisfying sex life? Indirectly - Yes!

I submit that those couples who pray together are less concerned with the things that Christ was warning his audience about in the above verse. If they are less concerned with those things they would not be borrowing time and energy from their time with each other to pursue those things.

I like a clean house, a well kept yard, clean dishes and clothes. But we must be careful, we can have all of those things and still end up in marital bankruptcy. On the other hand, stop doing those things and you will experience an equal disaster.

Balance!

I could get into living out the married love described in the Song of Solomon. Instead of living on borrowed time, perhaps we would be better off to begin living on balanced time. Where do we find that balance? Ask that of God in your PRAYER TIME today!

For Marriages,

Dave

Repeating the Important

I recently attended a conference that featured a variety of well-known speakers. One of these speakers was the legendary, Zig Ziglar. I was looking forward to hearing him; however, what I didn't know was that he had fallen a few years ago and has suffered short term memory loss. He speaks with the help of his daughter, who does her best to keep him on track.

With his impaired memory, Zig would keep returning to and reiterating one topic, loving and cherishing your spouse. At the time, I could feel the crowds uneasiness as Zig would repeat what he had just said moments earlier. I felt sad, knowing the history of this great orator and then to see him in a diminished capacity.

Over the last 2 days since the conference; however, I have been contemplating a new perspective. While it wasn't Zig's intent to repeat the same thing over and over, it may have been God's intent to drive a message home to the thousands attending that day.

Success isn't measured by wealth, possessions or even talent. It is measured by God and our relationships with our spouse, family and friends. Are you chasing the important? That is a question worth repeating everyday!

Monday Marriage Minder - "Stuff to Do For..."

Our daughter, Kaitlin, recently gave Robin and I a note which she entitled, "Stuff to Do For Mom & Dad"
Upon reading it, I immediately realized that the wisdom coming from our nine year-old girl, was worth sharing.

Little did Kaitlin know, her penciled words go far beyond something that a child can do for his/her parents. There are lessons for husbands and wives as well. Well, enough only from me. I will comment on Kaitlin's words.

Stuff to Do For Your Spouse

1. Give him/her the best hug. - Not just a hug - the BEST hug! A hug that far surpasses the mechanical routine we often fall into.
2. Give him/her a kiss. - A kiss is one of the most intimate and demonstrative actions of love and affection that we can give our spouse.
3. Make him/her feel happy. - I love Kaitlin's innocence, here. While we cannot make anyone feel happy, we can strive to be a blessing to our spouse.
4. Help him/her when he/she is sick. - Are we being strong in Christ when our spouse is physically, emotionally or spiritually weak? (Kaitlin added the word "stressed" onto my list - hmm.)
5. Help him/her when something hurts. - For a husband and wife, a good back-rub does wonders for far more than an aching back - just saying...
6. Do something when told to do it. - For husbands and wives, I will exchange the word, "told" for the word, "ask". Personal comment -"Ouch!"

It's amazing what we can learn from a hand-written note from a nine year old child.

For Marriages and Families,

Dave & Kaitlin!

Mini Marriage Minder

"One of the first things a relationship therapist learns is that couples argue to burn up energy that could be used for something else. In fact, arguments often serve the purpose of using up energy, so that the couple do not have to take the courageous, creative leap into an unknown they fear. Arguing serves the function of being a zone of familiarity into which you can retreat when you are afraid of making a creative breakthrough." ~ Gay Hendricks

Monday Marriage Minder - 4-12-2010 "God..."

"Many years later the king of Egypt died. The Israelites groaned under their slavery and cried out. Their cries for relief from their hard labor ascended to God: God listened to their groanings. God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw what was going on with Israel. God understood" Exodus 2: 23-25 (The Message)

Imagine how tough a life of slavery would be - physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Being in bondage and seeing no way out would be enough to completely break a person. I wonder how many of the Israelites were tempted to give up on their prayers for deliverance? Quite a few, I suppose.

I am reminded about how often we find ourselves, or encounter others in discouraging, fearful and, seemingly, hopeless situations in our marriages or family. But, there is good news! Just as God cared for the children of Israel in their bondage to Egypt, God cares for you and I in the problems and situations of our lives.

Look at what the Bible says about our God...

1.God listened - Just as God heard the cries of his people in bondage, he hears our cries and our prayers today. We can be assured that God has his attention directed toward each one of us at all times.

2.God remembered - God remembered his covenant with Abraham and did not abandon his people. Neither has Christ abandoned us or his covenant with us - a covenant written with his own blood. Although there are times in our lives when we feel alone, we can stand convinced that Christ will never leave us or abandon us, at any time.

3.God saw - God was fully aware of his people's situation and, at the proper time, he acted upon what he saw. Isn't it awesome to know that God is looking at us, right now? He knows our needs, our feelings and our desires. He sees us!

4. God understood - Beyond listening, remembering and seeing, God understands what we are going through no matter how great or how small the circumstance. That's incredible! God is infinitely able to understand, empathize and show compassion to his people. Additionally, when his son, Jesus Christ, became flesh, he also became acquainted with everything we go through on this earth.

No matter what you or someone you know may be going through in your marriage; be it illness, financial strain, betrayal, loneliness or anything- God will listen - talk to him. God will remember - you can count on his promises when you are faithful to him. God sees you- right where you are, in every circumstance and in every need. Finally, God will understand - you can cast ALL your problems on him.

Trust God in your marriage and for your marriage. Live your life, knowing knowing that God is always near and intimately aware of your needs and desires. He loves you that much.


For Marriages and Families,

Dave